The Dirty Little Secret of Burnout and Why It’s Not What You Think
You may be suffering from it without realising
Ever had one of those mornings where you wake up feeling like absolute crap, even after a solid eight hours of sleep?
Sprawling in bed with your alarm blaring, calculating the very last second before you need to jump into the shower.
I’ve sat in that exact position weighing up if I should just call in sick and make it a tomorrow problem.
Something in my body said, “This doesn’t feel right”.
I was experiencing a range of symptoms from exhaustion, irritability, lack of motivation and just general sadness.
But the worst part was I couldn’t pinpoint why and I was looking at every aspect of my life for answers.
It felt like I was severely burnt out but I kept telling myself that my workload wasn’t too crazy and no one was nagging me to do anything.
Everything I felt was internal.
I spent 6 months pushing through these feelings.
Waking up every morning with a sore head dreading the things I once found most exciting.
Because that’s what we do, right? Suck it up. No pain, no gain.
(Insert whatever toxic motivational quote here.)
It wasn’t until I decided to look inward that I realised I was the one getting in my own way.
And that was the thing that shocked me.
What Is Burnout?
Most of us have this cartoonish image of burnout.
We picture some white-collar worker buried under a mountain of paperwork, sweating bullets as their boss breathes down their neck.
It wasn’t until I started to talk with a psychologist, that I allowed myself to accept I was suffering from textbook burnout.
And I was convinced that was impossible because hey, I was living the dream, right?
I had spent the last year trying to get an agency off the ground, cold calling, endless meetings with my business partners and doing work I once found fun.
It was 15-year-old Alex’s dream life.
But instead of clarity, all I got was this dreaded uncertainty.
And that’s when I learned the dirty secret of burnout.
It’s not about how much work you’re doing, it’s about your boundaries — or in my case, the complete lack thereof.
Boundaries & Burnout
How often have you started a job with unclear responsibilities and spent weeks feeling like an impostor waiting to be found out?
Or overcommitting to helping your friend with their website because you couldn’t grow a spine and say no?
These are all things we accept as normal, but they’re examples of us letting people walk all over us.
The worst part is that we don’t even set these boundaries with ourselves.
I was constantly moving my goalposts, setting myself up for failure, and then beating myself up for not achieving the impossible.
It was like playing a game where you make up new rules every five seconds and then get annoyed when you lose.
Our inner dialogue plays a crucial role.
And often the pressure we put on ourselves can be just as damaging as any external pressure.
Our society is a strange mix of hustle culture and motivational porn.
Everyone’s trying to tell us to be better, do more, sleep less, work harder.
Think of all those Instagram gym bros who are part of the 4 am club, making you feel guilty for not working 70 hours a week.
It’s total bs.
But here’s the good news: all is not lost.
We can reclaim our sanity and rebuild the boundaries in our lives.
It starts with understanding that you, right now, are good enough.
Setting clear boundaries starts by understanding your limits.
To start regaining your confidence you need to rewire your brain.
Think of your brain like a river.
Your thoughts and self-talk are the water, and over time, that little monkey mind of yours starts taking shortcuts.
The water begins to cut through the forest skipping its intended path, turning into a destructive force that destroys everything in its way.
That’s you, trying to prove yourself, taking on more than you can handle, saying yes when you mean no, and losing your identity in the process.
But the water is not meant to run through the forest.
We need to rebuild those riverbanks and focus on things that build our self-confidence.
How To Rebuild The Riverbanks
We start by building a ta-da list.
At the end of every day, throw out your to-do list and write a list of all the things you accomplished.
Don’t worry about how small or insignificant, just think of everything you accomplished.
Over time, this builds a muscle.
The riverbank starts to repair, and the water begins to take its natural path.
You’ll notice when things start flowing smoothly again — you can focus, you gain a positive outlook, and you don’t get annoyed at people for breathing too loudly.
Why? Because you’ve rebuilt your sense of self.
You’ve nurtured your self-confidence, and that’s what propels you forward. No matter how insignificant it may seem.
It’s not about being perfect.
It’s about being perfectly okay with your imperfections.
Give yourself permission to be unapologetically yourself.
Your sanity will thank you.
