The Secret Fears Holding You Back

Why success is just out of reach — and how to overcome what’s really stopping you

Photo by Sammie Chaffin on Unsplash

Lack of money, resources, or intelligence isn’t holding you back from success in life or business.

According to Corey Wilks, Psy.D., what’s holding you back is your limiting beliefs, and the root of those limiting beliefs can be traced back to the Four Horsemen of Fear and your personal narratives. With over 15 years of experience, Wilks is a distinguished psychologist and executive coach renowned for his expertise in helping entrepreneurs achieve success through values-aligned living and business practices.

In Wilks’s course, “Build an Intentional Life,” he addresses your fears. Here are the key takeaways from the course:

The 1st horseman: Fear of failure

Fear of failure is the nagging thought that prevents you from starting new projects. Common questions include:

• What if I fail?
• What if I’m not good enough?
• What if this doesn’t work out?
• What if no one reads my article or watches my videos?
• What if I fail my interview?

Often, this fear tricks you into inaction because you question why you would start something if it seems destined to fail.

A common theme among seasoned content creators and entrepreneurs, including Ali Abdaal (Part-Time YouTuber Academy) and Nicolas Cole (Ship 30 for 30 — Beginner Writing Course), is that negative thoughts and fear of failure paralyze many aspiring creators and business owners. This mental barrier often prevents them from starting their YouTube channels, writing projects, or businesses. In essence, the fear of failure stops them from taking the crucial first step toward success.

The 2nd horseman: Fear of ridicule

Fear of ridicule keeps your mind preoccupied with what others might think or say about you, making you hesitant to share your ideas. This fear often leads you to keep your ideas to yourself, avoiding judgment from strangers, friends, or family, despite being uniquely qualified and purpose-driven.

The 3rd horseman: Fear of uncertainty

Fear of uncertainty puts you in a state of indecision, often leading to analysis paralysis. For example:

• Spending days researching the perfect microphone or camera for your YouTube channel without actually starting to put yourself in front of the phone camera, recording, and finally hitting publish. (a lot of successful YouTubers started with their cheap phone)
• Enrolling in multiple business courses without starting any business.

Ultimately, it’s easier to make excuses and keep learning rather than risk making a wrong decision.

The 4th horseman: Fear of success

Wilks argues that people often fear success because it represents crossing a threshold into an unfamiliar version of themselves. This fear can cause self-sabotage as you approach success, with thoughts like:

• What if I become corrupted by power and influence?
• What if I lose my ambition and motivation?
• What if I’ve peaked in life too early, in my mid-20s or mid-30s? And then the rest of my life is just kind of downhill.

This limiting belief can cause you to self-sabotage just before reaching your goals.

If you often start projects that gain momentum but then somehow fall apart, you might have a fear of success.

Reframing your personal narrative

Personal narratives are the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

A toxic personal narrative can affect your thoughts and actions. For instance, Wilks mentioned that if you come from a background where people end up in jail, believing this narrative can limit your aspirations and actions.

Pro tip: Your action plan

1. Identify your current personal narrative that you’ve recognized as toxic.
2. Define a more empowering and adaptive personal narrative.

Start practicing this new narrative consistently. It takes time and effort, but gradually, you’ll improve. For example, if you’ve always thought you’re bad at writing, shift your belief to “I am improving my writing skills by 1% every day.”

Another example is that rather than saying my father didn’t do it, neither did my grandfather. They are not you, so don’t limit yourselves to the expectations or the lives they lived.

Self-sabotaging behaviours and symptoms

The Four Horsemen of Fear often show up as self-sabotaging behaviours and clear symptoms, such as procrastination, perfectionism, complacency, and imposter syndrome. These behaviours are strategies to avoid facing your deepest fears.

Drawing by Ismael Adekunle

For example:

• Procrastination lets you delay facing fears, like the fear of failing in math or dealing with a boring project.
• Perfectionism prevents you from completing tasks, perhaps due to fear of ridicule from publishing an article.
• Imposter Syndrome makes you feel like you don’t belong or aren’t capable.

Even if you struggle with procrastination, you might still complete tasks with a tight deadline, indicating that procrastination or time management isn’t the main issue. Instead, you may be avoiding deeper fears. Consider whether one of the “four horsemen of fear” is holding you back: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of ridicule, or fear of Uncertainty.

To overcome these challenges, analyze your behaviours to uncover and address the underlying fears driving them. Refer to the diagram below for further analysis and insights.

Drawing by Ismael Adekunle

The path forward

For a long time, I struggled with putting myself out there.

In 2022, I discovered Tim Ferriss’ Fear-Setting Exercise, which I will detail below. This approach is similar to Wilks’s Fear Inoculation method, summarized briefly here:

Fear Inoculation is like preparing for fear in the same way vaccines prepare us for disease. The idea is to expose yourself to small doses of your fears in a controlled way to build up tolerance and be better prepared if those fears come true.

Tim ferriss’ fear-setting exercise

This exercise helps navigate fears by asking:

1. What am I missing out on by not doing the thing I’m scared of?
2. Why am I avoiding this thing?
3. What’s the worst-case scenario if I do it?
4. What can I do to mitigate the worst-case scenario?
5. If I had to reverse this decision, how would I do it?

Applying this to publishing YouTube videos:

1. Missed Opportunities: Building an audience, developing communication skills, potential income.
2. Reasons for Avoidance: Fear of judgment, negative comments.
3. Worst-case scenario: Harsh criticism, embarrassment.
4. Mitigation: Prepare responses for criticism and build a support network.
5. Reversing Decision: Use gained skills for other projects.

If you reflect deeply on the answer to the fear exercise, the upside of creating YouTube content is far greater than the downside. Also, by preparing for the worst, you make fear less daunting.

When you know how to handle challenges, fear loses its power over you, making it easier to move forward and succeed.

Affiliate Statement: For more information on overcoming limiting beliefs, purchase Wilks’ course Build an Intentional Life and get a special discount with the coupon code ISMAEL. I’m a legitimate customer and genuinely recommend the course. If you purchase through this link, I’ll receive a small commission, which will not affect your price and will not influence my opinion of Build an Intentional Life. It truly is worth every penny.

You can also read my article about overcoming limiting beliefs.

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