The Simplest but Least Talked-About Hack to Life

Looking beyond yourself…

Growing up, my family had a neighbor who we rarely saw eye to eye. As fate would have it, an orange tree sprouted right between the property line. Although it didn’t belong to either of us, it sure made the yard more colorful.

It soon grew gigantic and budded juicy ripe oranges.

One sunny afternoon, I sighted our dark, aloof neighbor pruning the branches. Stunned at why someone would do something so horrid to such beauty, I ran in to summon my dad.

“Why in the name of God are you destroying my tree?” Dad yelled as he stormed out of the house.

“I only wish to trim the overhanging branches to prevent the fruits from dropping and ruining my perfectly manicured lawn,” retorted our neighbor, whose name was Uncle Razak.

Both men got into a heated argument.

My dad loved the tree as much as I did. It felt magical how it attracted birds and butterflies of diverse colors, and we felt at peace with nature. We didn’t mind the overripe oranges and dead leaves and twigs dropping on our yard. But Uncle Razak did.

Was either party wrong?

Uncle Razak was a man of simplicity, order, and cleanliness. He was right to keep his side of the property tidy by snipping off the overhanging branches.

But we were also not wrong for appreciating the beauty of nature in all its wildness.

So why the heated argument?

Neither party was willing to look through the other’s eyes. Both were lost in their own perception of reality.

This I realized only as I got older.

Looking back now, the solution was pretty simple.

If we had been more orderly, we would have realized how repulsive the orange debris was to our neighbor. And were Uncle Razak not oblivious to the fact that someone else could appreciate the beauty of nature’s wildness, he would not have trimmed the branches on our side.

His need for order was valid, but our appreciation for the tree’s wide charm was equally important.

The unnecessary insults that sunny afternoon could have been prevented by a compromise: Uncle Razak would trim the branches more thoughtfully, ensuring our side remained wild and natural, while we would keep things tidy from our end.

And this is the challenge we face in our daily lives. No one wants to compromise. No one wants to see things from the angle of their counterpart. Everyone yearns to have the loudest voice, for their desires to reign supreme.

But in a world filled with diversity, that only leads to unending chaos.

We stand facing each other. I see 6; you see 9. I yell at you with an unflinching conviction that I’m right and you’re wrong.

It’s definitely 6, I can see it.

“It’s 9, dummy,” you say.

And we go on and on, never pausing for a moment to understand why you’re so convinced you’re right.

Of course, people sometimes act impulsively, even foolishly without a shred of reason. But such cases are the exception, not the norm. More often than not, we have our reasons for doing what we do.

You are angry for a reason. You yell in frustration. If I berate you for it, I am only going to fuel your anger.

But what if I ask you WHY you’re angry? What if I try to find the reason for your anger and find common ground to resolve it?

We act without considering how it will be perceived by the next person.

But perhaps the most worrisome cause of animosity amongst people is that we try to impose our will on others without putting ourselves in their shoes. Without seeing from where they sit.

Ever had a situation where someone comes to your home and leaves it looking like a place where a bullfight was staged?

You tell them about it but they feel attacked: “Oh, you just don’t want me around anymore.”

What they failed to do was to put themselves in your shoes. Would they appreciate it if someone were to litter the space they took 3 excruciating hours to clean?

All of this boils down to the fundamental rule: don’t do to others what you won’t want for yourself. In the same vain, do to others as you would have them do onto you.

This, my dear friend, is the simplest hack to life.

It’s the secret to avoiding unnecessary fights that sap your strength and create unnecessary hostility. It’s the key to being empathetic.

You’d feel hurt if discriminated against? Don’t stigmatize others.

You’ve never shown an act of kindness to someone, why expect the world from them?

And if you wonder why someone dislikes the same orange tree you love, remember that the world doesn’t revolve around you.