Tune Out Victim Rock
If you feel like the world is against you, it’s time to change the station.
There were moments (okay, maybe decades) in my life when I felt like the world had it in for me.
Like, at some point, when I must have been taking a really long shower, the entire cosmos got together and decided that it would be a really swell idea to screw me over. And regardless of how much I tried, I still would wind up with the shit end of the stick.
Like some Mobius strip of misfortune, my bad breaks would just come back around again and again.
Here’s the funny thing, though: it was actually true. No, not the part about there being a galactic conspiracy against me (although, just to be on the safe side, I now shower faster than ‘fresh meat’ at Riker’s).
The accurate part was that, wherever I chose to look, I could find corroborating evidence that the world was, indeed, bending me over a barrel.
The Baader-Meinhof phenomenon is the fancy term for when you become actively focused on something and then you start to see examples of it EVERYWHERE.
For example, let’s say you just spent the day car shopping and decided that your next ride was going to be a new Ford Bronco. Driving home from the dealership, you are amazed at how many Broncos you see at every turn.
Those cars didn’t just suddenly roll off the showroom floor. You notice them everywhere because you are now tuned into their frequency.
When a series of tough breaks starts to feel less like a random series of events and more like a personal attack, I think that’s when you spot personal injustices at every turn.
You have made the universe sentient and determined it to be a vindictive asshole that is hellbent on destroying you. Your internal radio dial is tuned into a frequency that plays nothing but Victim Rock, non-stop.
All. Day. Long.
The Victim Rock
Never heard of Victim Rock? Well, turn it up and let me hum you a few bars!
Why does the world hate me?
I got passed up for that promotion.
Why does it continually berate me?
It’s scarring my emotion.
Is that why nobody will date me?
I guess I’ll purchase some more lotion.
Similar to (and only slightly more depressing than) those radio stations that begin airing 24 hours of Christmas music in August, Victim Rock will play its siren songs for the vulnerable listener and, before you know it, you’ve made it your first preset and sing along with every verse.
My vision of a cruel, unforgiving world was formed by the lens that I chose to see my circumstances through.
To me, there was a scarcity of good fortune to be had in the world and I was not one of the lucky ones holding the golden ticket. And, worse, I believed there was nothing that I could do to change that.
It never dawned on me that the world could possibly offer an abundance of opportunity, if one were willing to take that intellectual leap of faith.
In her groundbreaking book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck lays out the two main mindsets we humans navigate through life with: growth or fixed. The one you choose to employ has a massive impact on your quality of life.
See the world as an endless fountain of opportunity that you (and everyone else) can draw from and you will drink life from an ever-expanding cup.
See the world as a shallow pool of limited resources that must be hoarded away and you will experience a life unquenched, rationing sips from a thimble.
Becoming is better than being.
–Carol Dweck
At the core of it all, my cosmic clock-cleaning was a self-fulfilling prophecy. Deep down, I didn’t feel worthy of a life well-lived. If anything, I felt like I deserved to suffer a little.
I definitely was much more in my element playing the hapless schlub, like some low-rent, community theater Willy Loman.
The only way I was going to become the hero of my own story was to re-cast my part.
Your life is your life.
Know it while you have it.
You are marvelous
the gods wait to delight in you.
–from ‘The Laughing Heart’ by Charles Bukowski
Realize that this whole You vs. the World showdown is really not a showdown at all. It’s your reflection bouncing back at you.
You decide whether to point a wagging finger or offer an outstretched hand.
The universe has not formed an opinion of you. Quite frankly, it couldn’t care less about you. Think of the universe as tofu. It has no real flavor of its own and, instead, counts on you to create it.
What’s holding you back?
What is holding you back from the life that you claim you deserve?
Fear? Guilt?
There’s a movie that I saw as a teenager, which has stuck with me ever since. It’s the original version of Jacob’s Ladder, starring Tim Robbins and Danny Aiello.
The film centers around a mortally wounded Vietnam soldier in purgatory, clinging to memories of his fading existence. The more he holds on to a world where he no longer belongs, the more those memories begin to turn on him.
If you haven’t done so yet, unburden yourself. Make peace with your past and believe– truly believe– that it has no bearing on your future.
Once you do, you’ll find that those devils you carry with you are really angels, helping you ascend to your next incarnation.
And to a world waiting to delight in you.
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