Your Ego Is The Biggest Obstacles To Your Goals
Practical steps to keep your ego in check
“He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Ego is the enemy.
The author, Ryan Holiday, has achieved some pretty impressive success in his lifetime, from becoming the director of marketing at American Apparel at just 21 to writing multiple best-selling books. With all of this success, he’s been able to witness first-hand the destruction of unchecked ego; in fact, he sees ego as such a threat to his potential success that he even got it tattooed on himself as a reminder. ‘Ego is the enemy’.
So what does ego mean, and why is it a threat to your potential success?
Understanding Ego
Holiday defines ego as ‘an unhealthy belief in our own importance’. It takes the concern of self-image and turns it into obsession. It takes confidence and turns it into arrogance. He says that ego is the enemy because it sabotages our long-term goals and distracts us from achieving mastery in our craft.
Ego manifests itself in several ways that are detrimental to our progress and growth. It’s the little voice that constantly questions what others think about us, pushing us to prioritise appearance over substance. It’s the reason we procrastinate, preferring to talk about our plans rather than executing them. And it’s why, despite brief moments of success, we fail to maintain our achievements due to overconfidence and complacency.
Ego in Aspiration
Ego shows up when you aspire to do something great. Your ego is the voice in your head that asks, ‘What are people thinking about me?’ It’s the ultimate cause of procrastination because it makes you rather talk about what you’re doing than actually doing it. And as you can imagine, letting this part of you take over will halt any progress you’ve made.
Aspiring to achieve significant goals can be daunting. The fear of failure and judgment can be overwhelming. Instead of focusing on the task at hand, we become preoccupied with how we are perceived. This fixation can lead to inaction and self-sabotage. The key to overcoming this is to shift our focus from external validation to internal fulfilment.
Ego in Success
Ego shows up when you experience success. When we get a taste of victory, whether it’s launching a successful business or winning a competition, our ego leads us to believe that all our future endeavours are likely to be successful. So instead of remaining focused and building upon our previous success, our ego gives us the tendency to become overconfident in our abilities and take on too much.
Success can be a double-edged sword. While it’s gratifying, it can also inflate our sense of self-importance. We begin to believe that our success is inevitable, regardless of our effort or circumstances. This overconfidence can lead to poor decision-making and a lack of preparation. To sustain success, it’s crucial to stay humble and continually strive for improvement.
Ego in Failure
Ego shows up when we experience failure or setbacks. You’ll notice that people with prominent egos seem allergic to any fault or blame; they dodge any and every sense of responsibility that they can. This is because if we admit defeat or failure, it’s a direct slap in the face to our ego, and we are no longer as important as we believed to be.
Failure is an inevitable part of any journey, but ego makes it difficult to accept and learn from. Instead of viewing setbacks as opportunities for growth, we see them as threats to our self-image. This avoidance prevents us from analysing our mistakes and making necessary adjustments. Embracing failure with humility allows us to learn and evolve.
Defeating Ego with the +-= Method
If ego is the enemy, how do we defeat it? One way is to use the +-= method. For each person to be great, they need to have:
- Someone better than them that they can learn from.
- Someone lesser that they can teach or mentor.
- Someone who is equal in that they can challenge themselves.
Practical Application of the +-= Method
Here’s how it works:
Having someone equal to you that you can use to challenge yourself leaves no room to obsess over public opinion because if you do, you’re guaranteed to fall behind. Healthy competition with peers can motivate us to push our limits and stay focused on our goals.
Having someone greater than you that you can learn from is a humbling experience because it’s difficult to stroke your ego if you know you can be better and there’s room to improve. Learning from mentors or those who have achieved more can provide valuable insights and inspiration.
Having someone less than you means you have to look objectively at your failures in order to teach others instead of just ignoring the failures as a whole. Teaching others forces us to reflect on our experiences and articulate our knowledge, reinforcing our understanding and commitment to growth.
Actionable Next Steps:
- Identify an equal, a mentor, and a mentee in your life.
- Regularly reflect on your progress and setbacks with humility.
- Focus on internal fulfilment rather than external validation.
Conclusion
Ego is a formidable adversary that can derail our progress at various stages of our journey. By recognising its manifestations and applying strategies like the +-= method, we can mitigate its impact and stay focused on our path to success.
