How To Never Be Wrong Again
Once you start admitting you were wrong more often, it becomes nearly impossible to actually ‘be’ wrong at all
I spend a lot of time thinking about how I talk. Especially when it comes to politics, I try as much as possible to be conscious of both what and how I share my ideas. Part of this comes from a genuine personal interest in the subject, part of this probably comes from the anxiety of being caught saying something ridiculous.
If you are at all the same, you’ll know where I am coming from…
And if you spend any amount of time talking about this with your friends, or just watching the speech mannerisms of others, it becomes immediately clear that there are as many different approaches to speech as there are people; in fact, likely more, as many of us will adjust our speech according to the situation we’re in.
For a long time — when discussing politics — I would try to keep my statements brief and to the point. This served two purposes:
- It stopped me from going on long-winded rants, which is something I get frustrated by when other people do.
- It reduces the likelihood that I say something wrong.
I stood by this rule until very recently, when I saw someone else doing the exact same thing.
It was in a political discussion. They spoke in small bursts between long silent pauses. On the surface, this seems like a good approach, right? They would be careful with what they had to say and rarely said anything objectively ‘wrong’. However, when thinking about this a little deeper, I wondered, is this approach really that effective?
Or, more specifically, is the underlying reasoning that I used to justify this approach sound.
Is it right to always avoid being wrong?
The answer, I believe, is not really.
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with being wrong, the only issue is steadfastly clinging on to ideas that you can no longer justify. However, if you don’t ever give yourself the chance to figure out which of your ideas are flawed or even contestable, then how will you ever know when this is happening?
For me at least, my fear of saying something ridiculous was getting in the way of opportunities to learn which of my ideas actually were ridiculous. As a result, I have very likely been holding on to ideas that I cannot justify or perhaps do not really believe — nor was I putting myself in situations to figure this out!
This is not a new idea. But it’s one that I wanted to share and frame in the context of political dialogue, as the implications of this mindset-shift can be very beneficial.
Of course, this is easier said than done…
Challenges to admitting we are wrong
In many cases, not being able to admit you are wrong doesn’t come from a blanket refusal to do so. It comes from a mindset that motivates us to find evidence that supports our ideas, meanwhile not looking for evidence supporting the contrary. This is widely understood as ‘confirmation bias’, but can go by many other names as well.
Julia Galef is a writer who studies the field of ‘rationality research’, and talks about this dynamic in her TedEx Talk. In this regard, Julia coins the terms ‘Soldier Mindset’ and ‘Scout Mindset’. While a soldier will loyally fight for an idea to the death, a Scout has less commitment to a particular course of action, and will be far more open to exploring multiple different avenues of thought. In fact, Scouts have a very different set of values to Soldiers which shape this world view; the concept of admitting you are wrong is considered virtuous, meanwhile learning from your mistakes is enjoyable.
Now ask yourself…
How might your political conversations change if this was true for you?
But this perspective doesn’t make admitting you are wrong easy… Our egos will often take a hit when first practicing this approach. To be a ‘Scout’ therefore — as understood by Julia — is no easy task. In a political culture that is very adversarial, being wrong is the ultimate form of failure. Admitting you are wrong can feel like you are conceding points to the ‘other side’ — when you are proven to be incorrect about something, feelings of embarrassment, shame, and frustration are unfortunately assumed to follow.
However, with a different mindset, these feelings don’t have to emerge. Admitting you are wrong can also be tremendously beneficial…
Why we need to admit we are wrong
In one study on the effectiveness of apologies, conducted on 333 adults, it was shown that the most preferred form of apology was one centered around the admission of fault. As it turns out, seeing someone openly admit they were wrong is incredibly endearing. We understand that the person is likely being genuine and appreciates the situation, precisely because we understand that admitting you are wrong is so difficult.
On an individual level, it can also be very liberating. By removing the mental burden of trying to constantly ensure everything you say is ‘correct’, you energize yourself to explore new ideas without fear of being seen as wrong. For me, this was probably one of the most appealing elements of such a mindset. Constantly worrying about seeming wrong made it so that I was far less willing to ask questions or stick my neck out with a particular comment.
Does this give us the freedom to say anything we like?
Simply put, absolutely not…
What this entire article takes for granted is that our thoughts and speech are working towards a common goal: the truth. To that end, all the comments we make should be regarding things we either a) believe to be true, or b) are exploring to better understand. This mindset is not an excuse to say any old thing you want, so long as it’s followed by a “whoops, my bad!” The purpose is to provide you with a perspective that allows for errors — in fact, it somewhat encourages them.
Once you open yourself up to being wrong in conversations, you can learn to ask better questions and have more interesting conversations. When we aren’t determined to be correct, we can shift our mindsets from that of the Soldier to that of the Scout — we can seek growth instead of opposition.
So consider this fact next time you are afraid of being wrong. Look for truth, even if it comes at the cost of your ego. Look for new possibilities and new ideas, even when it means you may not look like the smartest person in the room…
Now more than ever we need to take a long, hard look at the way we are doing politics. How we experience and engage with political issues is just as important — yet far less acknowledged — than simply the content of our political ideas. To read more on this topic, feel free to subscribe to Practicing Politics, a new publication looking at how it is we ‘do’ our politics…
