How can I save my marriage after an affair
An affair in marriage is a devestating situation, bringing up feelings of betrayal, anger, hate, helplessness, lowered self worth. The question is: can you save your marriage after an affair?
As a matter of fact, any situation in your marriage can be resolved as long as you both truly and deeply love each other. Can you save your marriage even after an affair? Yes you can.
Having an affair is not the expression of “I don’t love you anymore”. It is merely the expression of “I don’t know what else to do”. And here’s why.
Do you de-serve your spouse enough?
The De-Serving Principle is one of PRAGMA’s techniques to make your marriage thrive. It is a simple tool based upon the questions:
- What are my needs?
- How can they be fulfilled?
Based upon Maslow’s basic human needs for certainty, variety, importance, love, growth and contribution, this principle is the secret to a fulfilling marriageWhenever we feel that our needs are not met, (or that we cannot meet the needs of our spouse) we go look for fulfillment in these areas somewhere else. This is important to understand because it is the foundation of how you can save your marriage after this affair.
The visible problem is never the real problem
The visible problem in this case is “my spouse had an affair”. But that is not the underlying issue that needs to be worked on.
A crucial prerequisite to save your marriage is the ability to look at the whole picture without judgement. To do this alone is nearly impossible because it is hard to get yourself into a neutral position. Hence, you should find a great coach or mentor to give you and your spouse the guidance through the process.
Saving a marriage is only possible when you are ready to dive into the subsurface of what’s happened. An affair can be resolved and the marriage saved. But it takes effort, passion, unconditional love, forgiveness, compassion and trust to do that.
What happens without judgement?
Something phenomenal happens when you overcame your hurt and emotions and ego, looking at the situation without judgement. It opens your perception of what was really happening and what led to the situation.
It makes you open enough to accept that both of you are 100% responsible for what led to your spouse having an affair. This might be a tough cookie to swallow at first, but it’s the non-judging truth.
Next steps to saving your marriage
After having worked through your emotions, meeting each other without judgement, and finding out the real issues, you’ll be open enough to rebuild trust.
The paradox here is that in order to rebuild trust, you have to give trust first. You have to be very open in your heart, even though your ego is revolting. This is a necessary pain you have to go through to start the healing and rebuilding process.
⭐️ Book your free initial consultation with PRAGMA here: https://www.pragma.love/talk
