Why is communication so hard between lovers?
How many times have you got the feeling that your lover is just not getting what you’re saying, let alone what you mean? It happens quite often. As a matter of fact, I would state that not understanding what the other means is normal.
We have been brought up by different parents, with different paradigms. Our installed set of beliefs differ even within our family, let alone between lovers. We tend to believe that the closer a person is to us, the better we can communicate with them. This is a trap because communication has nothing to do with the mind, but with the heart.
It is the reason why we are looking for potential partners within our peer group. And our peers are per definition people around us with the same background, same taste, same language, same paradigms, same level of (un)awareness. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be in our peer group.
We find our lover within our peer group because on the surface, communication works like a charm between us, right? Same taste in music, food, movies, humour, hobbies, etc. So people come together under the same basic principles and paradigms, thinking that this is love. It is not, it is convenience!
We communicate with our heart (but mind doesn’t like that)
Our heart is our communication centre, not our mind. But what most often happens is that we attract our next lover according to who we are (naturally) and then we are disappointed if he or she isn’t Mr / Mrs Right! How could they be? If one does not change to attract the right one into ones life, the right one will always be the wrong one.
So we chose our lover with our mind rather than with our heart, which brings with it the challenges of communication. Because under the surface sits the heart, and the heart communicates through emotions. If your primary topics are movies, work, having children, getting married, retirement, then the heart has nothing to add to these dialogues.
If you are in a Rich Relationship, these topics are obsolete because they had been clarified way before you even entered your Rich Relationship. So what does that mean then? In a Poor Relationship, communication seems so hard because Ego is still full on, paradigms have not been cracked yet and the relationship has no fundamental purpose. The topics are repetitive over and over again, week after week, month after month, year after year, until the break up. And break ups are always unavoidable in a Poor Relationship unless you set the bar really low for yourself. But hey, if you’re happy with it, no judgement.
From Mind Space to Heart Space
You will instantly know when you are in a Rich Relationship because all of the mundane topics you were used to discuss before are gone. No more scratching the surface, you are now diving really deep into your soul level. The topics with change drastically, as will the depth of your communication. It will also broaden much more than you had ever imagined. Growth and Awareness are your purpose now in your Rich Relationship and that requires constant inner work. You simply do not have time anymore to waste on unimportant topics like „Wanna go out tonight?“.
If communication is hard between you and your lover, you might want to consider that you are in a Poor Relationship. Yes, you can shift into a Rich Relationship, but it requires painful work from both of you. It is worth, though. In a Rich Relationship, communication is never hard but it can get very heavy, deep into your soul level.
You will feel the exhaustion when you are talking and harmonising because you have never talked with this intensity. However, all harmonising in a Rich Relationship is done without ego, without hurt feelings, without mind space.
You are communicating from and through your heart space, always having in mind that the purpose of your Rich Relationship (Growth & Awareness) is bigger than yourself. If you still think that you need to “win” the argument, it is your ego (mind) talking, not your heart.
ABOUT JOSEF
Josef Reisz is the creator of RICH RELATIONSHIP, a method that can lift your relationship to the next level in awareness, growth and spirituality. He’s started half a dozen companies, including family-owned high luxury group VON URBANOVSKY and renowned jeweller UDOZZO — Fine Jewelry.
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