Psychology
Filling the Void Within
Breaking Free from Shackles - Inside and Out
He was excited to join college and start a new chapter in his life. After two years of working hard to clear competitive exams, he finally got admitted into a reputed institution. He was going through a rough patch and hoped starting college would help him get better.
With the new environment, freedom, and most importantly, new friends, he slowly started feeling better. He participated in every fest, every competition, trying to compensate for the two years he’d lost. On some days, he still had nightmares about the days he spent at the coaching centre, thrust into a whole new world without any warning, experiencing crippling loneliness for the very first time in his life.
But he was determined not to let his past ruin the exciting possibilities that lay ahead of him. This was the wonderful life that was worth the two years of suffering; a supposed fact told by his teachers and parents. He still experienced bad days, but none as terrible as before. He was afraid that if he were left alone, he would turn into his previous self again. He kept himself reasonably busy between sports practices, fests, clubs, hanging out with friends, and studying at the last minute for class tests.
The Downward Spiral
Eight months after college started, the COVID pandemic struck. The first two weeks of the holidays were a welcoming change from the usual routine. He visited his family after a long time and cherished his free time. Lack of classes, eating home-cooked food, catching up on TV series, trying out new hobbies; the break from regular routine was fun for a while until it became the new normal.
After a while, he started feeling lonely again. Things started going wrong, one after the other. It was never supposed to be like this. He thought of the life that was snatched from him- four years of college filled with happy and fun memories. But maybe life doesn’t happen as it’s supposed to be. He learnt that the hard way. Maybe in an alternate universe, in one without COVID, he would be dancing along with his friends during fests, going on trips, joining new teams, getting to know new people or just have a relaxing day with his roommates where they binge-watch cringe movies while munching on pizza.
Whenever he tried bringing it up, he was told that many people were worse off — children starving, people losing their jobs, families living in separation. And here he was, having everything anyone could ever ask for and still complaining. The world that had seemed colourful and filled with sunshine now seemed to be covered in a grey filter.
He tried reconnecting with his school friends. Whenever they talked, it was always about the good old days. Stuck in the past, they had no new memories of each other. Conversations felt forced, and he gave up trying to connect with old friends.
As days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, the new hobbies he’d picked up during lockdown no longer seemed fun. He couldn’t go out for a walk or visit his friends. Quarantine, while important, made him feel isolated from the outside world. Virtual meets just didn’t give the same warmth as actual human interaction.
He struggled to finish the endless load of assignments within the deadline and barely managed to get a decent score in Class Tests. With the arrival of the end-semester exams, he put a pause on everything else to focus on academics instead.
During the break, things got a lot worse. He didn’t have studies to focus on anymore. While his friends were off having fun, he felt disinterested in everything. His social interactions became close to null. He felt guilty for not doing anything productive, but the guilt wasn’t enough to make him work. He hated the person he had become.
He no longer got the same joy from eating his favourite foods. He started feeling more irritable, frequently snapping at his family members. At times he started crying uncontrollably, unable to explain the reason why he felt so sad.
Soon these episodes began occurring more frequently. He started feeling more weary and tired, despite sleeping for long hours. Every day was the same; the demons in his mind came back day after day. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get them to stop. There was nothing he could do to make the void in him go away. As days passed, it grew larger and larger, slowly consuming more of him.
When he tried to open up to his family members, he was told that he was feeling down because of his mobile phone usage. He was asked to reduce spending time on the phone and just stop thinking negatively. He was told that he had the best life anyone could ever wish for and that he was ungrateful. He wanted to tell someone else about his condition, what he was feeling. In the end, he decided against it because what can they do? It will only lead to more awkward conversations and pointless advice.
A few days later, he convinced himself that maybe they were right, that perhaps it wasn’t all that bad. Depression is real, yes. But he didn’t have depression; he was just going through a phase. Albeit with a bit of effort, he could still get out of bed and function well on a fundamental level. He just needed to survive the quarantine period. He would feel a lot better when normal life returned when he could finally go back to college.
Stairway to Rehabilitation
One day, while he was mindlessly scrolling through social media, he came across something that caught his eye.
There is a common misconception that being mentally healthy means a lack of mental illnesses. This is simply not true. When one is mentally healthy, they are not just devoid of any illness but they are also able to realise and appreciate their own abilities, perform their work productively, and can cope with stress or any other negative feelings that may surface. Being mentally healthy includes emotional, social, and psychological well-being. It is imperative to take care of one’s mental health, especially during the current times.
He kept thinking about this post often. A few days later he realised that even though he didn’t know what was happening to him, he did know that he was not mentally healthy. That cleared his head a little. Later, he got a call from his best friend, who was concerned about why he wasn’t replying to any of his texts. He could finally open up to someone. Talking about it helped him feel better. With his friend’s help, he slowly gained the courage to open up to his family, and finally, they heard and understood him. He started going for therapy. He learned that it could be overcome, that countless others had conquered it before him.
He started taking baby steps towards recovery. Now he had a defence against the demon inside him — hope. Gradually, he started dreaming of a future where he could be a better version of himself, where the void in him would be gone, replaced by positive things. He still had nightmares, but now that he knew they could be overcome, they seemed less permanent, less terrifying. He realised that there were people in his life who wanted to help him get better and lead a happy life. They didn’t help him because they had to, but because they wanted to.
He was still scared that somehow it would return, the feeling of hopelessness and despair. But he persisted in his attempt to take slow steps towards recovery. Now, whenever he felt lonely or scared, he reached out to people. He used healthy coping mechanisms and started pulling himself together. He established a new routine. Colours seeped into his world again. Finally, one day he woke up feeling well-rested and cheerful. He couldn’t wait to start the day so that he could continue with his journey of self-discovery.
The Pandemic Situation
The COVID Pandemic has limited human interaction and put a pause on the entertainment and recreational activities that help people recharge and refresh themselves. The economic recession due to the pandemic has adversely affected people, with many losing their means of livelihood, leaving them helpless while dealing with the necessary expenditures for their daily life and supporting the people dependent on them. Quarantine has made people feel lonely and socially isolated, initiating feelings of hopelessness.
Students are among the most affected people, as they were plunged into the world of online education even as the pandemic continued to worsen. The lack of face-to-face interactions, cancelled plans and stressful deadlines, along with the fact that they don’t have anything worthwhile to look forward to, has negatively influenced their mental health.
Depression is a leading cause of disabilities, with more than 264 million people facing its adverse effects (WHO). Around 450 million people suffer from mental disorders globally, but 400 million of them don’t receive the necessary treatment. There are two reasons behind this:
- When diagnosed, they refuse to seek treatment because of mental disorders’ social stigma, afraid that they will be outcast by society.
- The lack of funds prevents them from access to treatment. Socio-economic factors play a significant role here. This is particularly distressing as unemployment is one of the leading causes of depression.
Thus it is crucial to spread awareness about the causes, symptoms, and possible treatment methods for mental disorders. Measures should be taken to make treatment accessible to everyone, irrespective of their social or financial status. It is our collective responsibility as a society to establish a judgement-free and inclusive environment where people aren’t afraid to seek help.
Everyone feels down from time to time. It’s okay to feel sad; it’s okay to cry. There’s nothing wrong with releasing your emotions, as long as you do it in a healthy manner. Most importantly, never give up on yourself. No matter how hard it feels, there is always hope, even if you can’t see it right now. Know that you are not alone, even if others may not always understand what you are feeling. There are people willing to help you get through it.
As they say, asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness. This too shall pass.
