The One Emotion That Could Be Single Handedly Sabotaging Your Success

Photo by omar alnahi from Pexels

Guilt.

We all experience it. I can think of at least 5 instances in the last week where I’ve experienced guilt.

Here are three noteworthy moments:

1. I mistakenly thought an event started at a different time than it did in reality and felt guilty (and embarrassed) for arriving late and disrupting the speaker.
2. My schedule has been a bit lopsided lately and I’ve chosen to prioritize sleep over all else. I felt guilty for missing an entire week at the gym (a rarity).
3. I haven’t been able execute on all of this week’s priorities at the office because unexpected, more pressing items arose that took precedent. I felt guilty for not being productive enough.

The feeling of guilt arises from some version of your self talk. In the first example, my self talk looked something like this:

I feel stupid for getting the event time wrong. How could I have done that? I knew the correct time yet somehow misplanned my morning. Now I’m going to miss part of the event. I was really looking forward to this event. What will people think? Everyone will look at me and think I’m a slacker. They will question my commitment to showing up on time. Should I even bother to go??

This doesn’t even capture the level of anxiety I felt every time I looked at my watch in the Uber. Every minute that went by felt physically painful.

As it turns out, all of what was going on in my head couldn’t have been further from the truth. Yes, I was 20 minutes late. Yes, a few people noticed me walk in, including the speaker. However, the majority didn’t even seem to notice as they were engaged in listening to the speaker. For those who did notice, I doubt they even cared. Further, I wasn’t the only person who walked in late!

On my way to the event, I had a choice: I could continue to wallow in my guilt, shame, anxiety, etc. or I could take responsibility for myself and reframe. I chose the latter.

The fact of the matter is, I was already late and there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it now. I became aware to the fact that if I allowed these feelings to continue to consume me, it would take away from my ability to be present at something that I was super excited about. Further, any feelings of inadequacy were bound to show up in my energy and interactions, and likely follow me throughout the rest of the day. If I allow myself to feel inadequate, then I’ll act as though I am inadequate.

Reframing doesn’t take away from the importance of taking responsibility for yourself. In this scenario, I was in fact late. I can own that. However, allowing yourself to carry that guilt with you does not create any additional benefit. Rather, it takes away from your ability to be present and impacts how you show up in future situations.

The next time you find yourself feeling guilty, try this:

1. Accept how you are feeling in the present
2. Reflect on what might be triggering this feeling of guilt
3. Take responsibility for your actions (or inaction)
4. Forgive yourself
5. Identify what is in your control and reframe