Ask Annie: That’s Amore!

Every month, Annie answers your burning questions about life, work, and everything that happens in between.

Ask Annie Vol. 2: Read this to your family over holiday dinner! And, free love advice.

Ho, ho, ho and Chanukkah Sameach, people! Welcome back to Ask Annie: festive holiday edition. This month, we’ve got politics, eye boogers, and one of my personal favorite topics…amore.

The dreaded flip side of holiday season merriment is that it often highlights what we feel is missing from our lives, creating feelings of loneliness, loss, and a general what the f*** did I do with myself this year? freakout. It’s a good time to be extra loving to others, and address feelings of lack with a motivation to set goals and change things that aren’t working for the year ahead. If the passage of time is getting you down, look at it like this: we’ll be just one year away from the 2020 election.

Love you a latke,

Annie

Dear Annie,

These are insane political times. What’s your advice for managing anxiety and stress that can come from a combination of working in a field such as marketing/PR/social media along with the dire state of our current political climate?

-Blue and feeling Blue

Dear Blue,

You’re addressing one of the most pressing questions of right now. Alongside, as you said, a truly dire political situation and grave injustices happening all over our country and world, it’s a) terrifying, b) overwhelming, and c) often difficult to know how to make a difference when the myriad problems are so big.

Taking care of one’s mental health is critical, and a necessary step towards taking action and advocating on behalf of others. To make a difference and contribute positively to our society, you need to be healthy enough to do so. I see this as a balance of staying informed and active, while not letting the news cycle take over your life. Social media can be a positive tool for advocacy and action, but I probably feel the most despairing after emerging from a politically slanted Facebook k-hole. Deleting Twitter was one of the best things I could have done for myself. A few ideas on how to manage:

• Set boundaries: Delete one form of social media. Don’t go on a Twitter spiral before bedtime. Read fiction. Set one of those app limits on your phone. Instead of mostly social-media binges, stay up-to-date by listening to podcasts, subscribing to newsletters, or making a twice-daily sweep of your favorite news sites. You don’t need to take part in every single Twitter moment.
• Take action: The SUPREMELY IMPORTANT flip side of caring for yourself is doing work to support others during this dangerous time, especially communities more affected by what’s going on than you are. Take on a regular volunteering gig. Instead of gifts this holiday season, request/give donations. Go to marches and rallies. Learn more. Phone bank. Correct people who say offensive things. Apologize and change your behavior if you are the one being called out or corrected. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but it shows that individuals can make a difference. Just because our country’s problems exist on a gigantic, institutional scale, that’s no excuse for inaction.
• Do the work — at work: PR and social media professionals have a say in the structure of the media landscape that, right now, is so very flawed. By examining the narratives we are crafting with a lens worthy of 2018, we can make necessary changes, no matter the client or project. The work Praytell did with AB to combat the overwhelming whiteness of beer stock photography or flooding influencer platforms with diverse creators are a couple examples of this. Counsel teammates and clients against stories and projects that lack representation or perpetuate stereotypes — that way, we can stop racist ads like this and this before they begin, and prevent them from happening in the future. Demand inclusive policies and practices in your workplace. We as individuals can push our own agencies, and the industry at large, to be better. One of Praytell’s own PR pros, Jarryd Boyd, has been an agency beacon in making these strides, co-leading initiatives like the influencer platform revamp mentioned above, and sparking important conversations about issues like unconscious bias in hiring. I tapped him to share a few words on this as well, as an example of someone who is directly impacted by some of these issues:

“Often we want to shy away from having difficult conversations at work about our the current climate cause it’s awkward, you don’t want to potentially be seen as a problem and you don’t want to be ‘that person.’ While not all conversations are meant to be had in a work setting, conversations around race and identity are needed. Start small by speaking with a community of people you trust and then identify small ways you can move the needle. Sharing simple resources like this CBS News video on the history of blackface can make an impact. You’ll build over time and remember that you don’t have to fight every battle. Have courage but self-care.”

Annie,

While I am not what many would call a “morning person,” I happen to do some of my best work before 10:30 (in the instances I’m able to focus and get my shit together early enough). Do you have any small goals I can strive for in the AM to help me set myself up better and maximize those good morning hours? Is there a hard/fast rule that I can adhere to that can help me move towards being “one of those people”?

LMK,

Wannabe Morning Person

WMP, while the morning is the hidden gem of the day, it’s tough to take advantage of. The times you are able to,you tap into time unencumbered by distractions. Rather than sleeping until the last possible moment, then rushing to get to work, a slow morning can be used to set yourself up for a productive day and take advantage of some self-care time. By giving yourself a little more breathing room in the mornings, you can squeeze in meditation/journaling/exercise, cooking yourself breakfast, or simply the ability to enjoy your walk to the train.

Like you, I also do my best, most focused work in the morning, and for that reason I like to get to the office early, when there are fewer distractions and I can take my time setting up and getting in the zone. I bike to work, which brings me great joy — but whether you walk, drive or ride public transport, you can do things that make your commute feel like a valuable part of your day, rather than a nuisance.

None of this can be done if you don’t get enough sleep or take care of yourself. Going to bed early, taking care of your body by getting fresh air, staying hydrated (and limiting alcohol consumption) and taking time away from your computer screen will set you up for a restful sleep and potential for a productive morning the following day. Sweet dreams!

Hi Annie! After many years of holding out, I am finally dipping my toes into the dating app game. However, it’s been tough to get anyone to chat with me. Any advice on those dreaded opening lines?

Hinge-ing on Empty

Dear Un-Hinged (fixed it for ya!),

The conundrum that launched a thousand amazing sitcoms: dating is difficult. Online dating, which purports to solve this problem, has created sub-problems of its own. A few weeks ago, as I was cancelled on for the third time in 10 days, I couldn’t help but wonder… would I ever get my app-ily ever after?

To be clear, I’ve met some great people through dating apps, but when you’re creating that profile, you’ve gotta remember that it’s a digital kiss-a-few-frogs-before-prince(ss) / rain-before-the-rainbow type of deal. There will be creepy openers, people who don’t reply to messages, and flaky humans who don’t respect your busy social calendar. After many late cancellations, unanswered messages, and conversations with friends, I’ve come to the conclusion that the sheer quantity of “options” paired with a tech interface makes some people view these conversations as less meaningful than if they were happening anywhere else. At any given time, talking to 5+ people online seems to trigger something in the brain that erases people’s humanity. It’s no excuse, it’s not cool, and doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end. Just because other people act like this on the apps, it doesn’t mean you have to! You can be a positive change in dating culture if you simply treat people with honesty and respect. A few things I try to keep in mind:

• Keep yourself open to meeting someone off the apps, too. You never know who will be sitting next to you on the bus, or in line at the coffee shop.
• If the conversation is going well, take it to text. Better yet, arrange to meet soon to see how it flows IRL.
• The right person who is worth your time won’t flake on you and will make an effort.

To help you out in the meantime, I’ve compiled some tried-and-true openers and helpful hints lovingly submitted from the online daters of Praytell. I hope they serve you.

Invite me to the wedding,

Annie

• Usually I make the same joke about their name, asking if it’s short for something. For example: Is Tom short for Tomato? Is Matt short for Mattress? Is Tim short for Times Square?
• I’m on my way to Whole Foods — do you need anything?
• Is a hot dog a sandwich?
• Space Jam was a documentary: y/n?
• I don’t really have a go-to as it depends on an interest on their profile, though I always avoid talking about their job or family. I also used to put a prompt in my bio like “send your fav emoji, cocktail, etc.”
• Hey, u r a cutie.
• 🎉 y a y 🎉 (Literally used this on every Tinder / Bumble match and 99.9% of the time it garnered a response.)

That’s it for this month. I hope you stay sane this holiday season. When in doubt, just watch The Holiday. Remember to submit your questions via the form for the chance to be featured in the next installment!