Seasonal Depression is Gone, Ask Annie is Back!

Every month, Annie answers your burning questions about life, work, and everything that happens in between.

The long-anticipated winter thaw brings birds, bears and flower buds out of hibernation. Also, this column. What better way to celebrate longer days, warmer temps and a general collective *exhale* than with some curated advice from someone who definitely doesn’t have a PhD?

Crack open your window, wear something not-black, order an Aperol Spritz (ok, maybe a bit premature), and let your new beginnings, well, begin. 🌸🌸🌸

Annie,

I know I overshare on social media but several of our coworkers already follow me. Honestly, maybe most of them. Should I just accept my plight as the Oversharer?

- Snapchatting my Superiors (Author’s note: I wrote this name for fun, alliterative purposes. Snapchat is dead, obviously.)

Sweet Oversharer,

I’m honestly surprised this question doesn’t come up more often these days. It’s one thing to work at a place where people keep their personal lives (including social media) private from their coworkers. In a culture like Praytell’s, though, where many people spend time together outside of work (and are generally less stuffy) it almost feels weird to not follow someone’s social accounts.

Anyway, isn’t most of our social media activity just an exercise in oversharing? Whether it’s venting about a weird subway interaction or a great book passage or embracing a large cheek-pimple or something your mom did or a great #stew you made for dinner…some of what feels normal to post on social media wouldn’t necessarily be something you’d tell your manager or coworker. In one sense, it can be a helpful tool for letting people see different sides of you that may get lost in the day-to-day grind…but there’s definitely a fine line that exists when people who know you professionally are privy to these moments.

I’m not going to condescend to you and advise against nudity or offensive/hateful material, because I am sure, whoever you are, you are a smart, well-intentioned person who doesn’t hold hateful values, and also knows to keep the more thirst-inducing of thirst traps to private channels. If you want to let your freak flag fly a bit more, consider a separate account that people from work (plus, ya know, your family members, etc.) don’t have access to. While the more benign moments of oversharing aren’t harmful per se, it’s not hard to imagine a situation where a misstep could have ramifications that extend into your professional life.

To some people, unfortunately, you are what you post. Many of us use social media to express who we are, our values, interests, etc. Just remember that followers use what they see to inform their perception of you, and that matters (at least in the workplace.) You have control over what you share and to whom you make it accessible. With that…happy snapping!

Annie, been meaning to ask this for a while. Sometimes I struggle with overthinking interactions I have in the office. Often after a conversation ends, I go back to my desk and overanalyze everything I just said. (i.e Was I weird? Funny? Coherent?) How do you deal with the tendency we lovely humans have of reading too deeply into minor conversations? It gets exhausting.

Sincerely, The Overthinker

My thoughtful friend,

My initial response to this question was did I secretly write this? I didn’t, but am not ashamed to admit that sometimes, replaying my workplace (+ anywhere-else) interactions keeps me up at night. I know we’re not alone in this.

Often, a big issue with office interactions is the lack of time to have thoughtful ones. It usually feels like a drive-by word vomit of HEY HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND GOOD? GOOD. etc. while you’re grabbing a quick coffee between meetings. Even conversations you’re genuinely excited to have — with a person you either know well or hope to get to know better — can feel rushed and awkward, like if Michael Scott worked in a startup culture. When there’s limited time for a real conversation to take shape, the small exchange feels weightier.

One solve is to carve out time for more leisurely, meaningful conversations to happen. Make a plan to grab lunch with a deskmate, attend happy hours and team events, or take a walk on a nice day, and bring someone with you. Chances are, they don’t remember your awkward phrasing from your kitchen conversation last week — but they will remember pleasant time spent together, and you’ll feel like the slate is clean. When you feel like people know you and understand who you are, those rushed, passing moments won’t feel like your only chance to “prove” yourself or have a seamless interaction.

Beyond the confines of an office, I have a hunch that most people feel awkward and over-analyze their social interactions. Even people who come off as ultra-cool/give no f*cks do, indeed, give a f*ck. The upside of this: most people are too worried about themselves to notice others’ little quirks, and even if they do, they aren’t judging you as hard as you judge yourself. It’s no simple task, but remember that most (if not all) of that self-judgment and overthinking is in your brain, and not visible to other people. Social confidence is a long, ongoing process, but making peace with yourself and how you move through the world will free up tons of mental space.

Now, I’m going to go grab a coffee from the kitchen and try not to give anyone finger-guns. Wish me luck!

Dear Annie,

I’m in desperate need of tips on how to not feel guilty for wanting to maintain a healthy work-life balance. I notice that many of my coworkers don’t leave the office for their lunch break. Similarly, it feels weird to leave right at 6PM if others are still there, even if all of my work is complete.

I put in the necessary time and effort to pull my weight on projects, but I also think I’m efficient with my time. What are your recommendations for combating this type of office guilt?

-Slacker or Secretly Efficient?

S/SE,

I commend you for your desire to maintain a work-life balance (or should it be life-work balance?) Especially in our industry, there will be late nights. If you’re willing to put in the work when things are crazy, make sure to take advantage of the times when it’s not. Leaving the office if most other people are still there can be a hard thing to own (The optics! Did I forget to do something?) but you just need to do it. Everyone’s job is different: we work across time-zones, workloads ebb and flow, while different accounts and roles have varying periods of stress. This balance also looks different for everyone…people stay at their desks for lunch or stay at work late for different reasons, managing their time and workload in the way that best works for them. It’s healthy to take time for yourself, so do it when you need to, as long as you aren’t leaving your teams or clients in the lurch. If it’s EOD and people have everything they need from you, walk out that door confident in what you gave that day — whether you’re the first to leave or the last.

That said, if a teammate seems to be struggling, check in with them! If it’s 5:45PM and you’re finished for the day, see if you can help them with something so you both can enjoy your evenings. We have great resources for this at Praytell, with Slack channels like #handraisers so people can flag if they need extra help or have time to offer. It’s all about finding a good balance, but you should never feel guilty for leaving while it’s still light out or taking a lunch break. Free time towards the end of the day can also be used to come up with proactive ideas for your teams or clients, or researching something that will make you smarter for tomorrow’s meeting.

In terms of the “lunch break” and taking opportunities to reset during the workday, I’ve started putting time on my calendar reminding me to take a pause. Whether it’s walking to grab lunch up the street with a coworker or taking 30 minutes to work on a crossword puzzle, it helps me tackle the second half of the day with more energy and focus. There’s a ton of research out there supporting the idea that breaks and time-off make you more productive and improve brain function.

We work hard, but our work doesn’t own us. I think Praytell’s motto sums it up pretty well: do the right thing. Be a good teammate, get your work done, communicate, and then go home and live your life.

That’s all for now! Remember to submit your questions via the form for the chance to be featured in the next installment. Go Spring forth, people.