Toxic Masculinity
What It Means To Be A Real Man
We as a society have a loose definition of what it means to be a man. We characterize man as the opposite of women. However, this definition is actually how we define toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is when men swear of everything feminine because it is feminine. This kind of behavior is detrimental to society because it encourages the oppression of women and sexism rather than having equality. Take for example washing the dishes. Washing the dishes, because of society, is seen as feminine, and men who adopt this falsehood of manliness will expect women to wash the dishes. Expecting women to wash dishes is sexist and oppressive. This is why toxic masculinity is bad. The interesting thing is that these loose definitions change. Now the color pink is seen as feminine and any man wearing it is less of a man because of it. However, pink used to be a man’s color. Still with the shift of the color pink men stray from it as if they will magically turn into a woman by wearing it.
These kinds of contrasts are what produce toxic males. We force them into filling their gender role when in reality the gender role doesn’t exist. Just because a man wears pink doesn’t make him not a man. A man is not defined by things or emotions but rather his behaviors. To deny the good behaviors and adopt the bad behaviors is to produce the toxic males that plague society. If we don’t want construction workers that catcall then we need to eliminate the distinction between maleness and femaleness because there is no difference, just what society believes them to be.
It’s a socialized and legitimized behavior that creates this distinction. We associate femaleness with x traits and maleness with y traits. Then we treat people who don’t follow these traits as outsiders. This is why we call more feminine males nerds. So if there are no traits that define a man, Then what actions or behaviors make a man a man? I propose that a man is defined by three actions taking care of one’s family, loving one’s family, and admitting one is wrong even when they’re not.
The first action, taking care of one’s family, is simpler than one would think. Taking care of one’s family is sacrificing their present happiness to ensure the happiness of the family, leading to long term happiness on their part. This doesn’t mean that men have to be the bread maker but rather the rock that looks out for everyone else. They are there to ensure everyone is happy, whether that be buying them a new toy, comforting them, or simply hanging out. To only focus on self-happiness and to ignore the whole of the family’s happiness would be a toxic male. This is because it means the person in question is self-centered or narcissistic. Thus, preventing them from looking out for others and instead, looking out for themselves. As we know, these actions and behaviors are childish and are portrayed by toxic masculinity. Hence the man who blames the girl for being too emotional.
The second action, loving one’s family, is similar to the first. Loving one’s family is also sacrificing for one’s family but in a different fashion. Rather than doing it because you believe that’s what a man does, you do it because your family is your top priority. It’s easy to mix up obligation with priority. Although the action seems obligatory, and it can be, it’s the principle rather than belief. To see sacrifice as an obligation, instead of an extension of your love, then you are buying into the toxic masculinity of being the sole provider. It also produces false love in that one thinks they love someone because they owe them love.
The third action, admitting one is wrong even when they are not, is all about picking your battles. Toxic males tend to fight to win every fight no matter the cost. This is problematic because it results in people getting hurt whereas if they admitted they were wrong they could come to a positive conflict resolution. The reason this behavior is toxic is that it encourages men’s superiority in that they are the boss or the head of the house. In other words, they get to exert as much force as they deem necessary. However, men that admit they are wrong, even when they are not, produce a more secure and loving environment that encourages growth.
This is what it means to be a man. If we allow society to buy into this superior man toxicity, then we will only get what we paid for, toxic men. However, if we encourage the behaviors above, then we will produce real men. The men that all men wish to be. Once we accomplish this then the definition and expectations of man will be clear and less flexible.
