Fallen Leaves of Autumn
DREAM — Today I dreamt of sweeping a garden. It was a large garden that sloped down from the gate, which was an old style silver metal gate. I stood with eakle broom in my hands, (this is a broom found freely in Sri Lanka, made of dried coconut branch leaves secured together and attached to a wooden pole — used to sweep leaves in garden) at the top of the rise close to the gate sweeping beautiful yellow and green leaves, so many were there, that one could not see the soil below it. There was no brown leaves. There was an old -paint faded wall- to my right and behind me plus to the left of me the garden stretched and sloped downwards. I wore a house dress I have also of green and yellow. I felt a bit dusty and dirty sweeping in my rubber slippers(these are always worn in Sri Lanka when one is at home), however I was happy. Then suddenly I heard the voice of my favourite uncle. (who sadly passed away suddenly about a year back) I felt happy and turned as he rushed forward. I wanted to hug him and he must have wanted to too, as he hugged me. I noticed his hair was black and full and curly and he was much slimmer, very much as he had been in his thirties, unlike when he passed away in his early fifties(quite large and shaven head). He was his usual jolly self and chatted to me. I was overjoyed, though the conversation I can’t remember, it was happy. I also made note that he sported a black crocodile t-shirt and a pair of khaki long shorts, very much like a close friend of mine wears. Then I turned back to my broom…but on a hunch I turned to me left and looking down the slope I saw this very same close friend of mine seated on a wooden chair. The chair was a garden chair made of vertical slats (one I have seen before). It was painted white but looked old and even dirty, but my friend dressed almost identically in style and colours of my uncle, sat authoritatively on it, as if it was a throne, his left leg crossed at the knee over his right and his right hand resting on his mouth with his fingers on his lips as if thoughtful. He watched me. I made as if to smile in recognition as I was glad to see him yet, he just watched his eyes showing no emotion. I turned back to my broom and back to him twice or thrice yet he remained the same. In this moment I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me…feeling judged for looking untidy and sweeping the garden. I have always felt this person had some characteristics of this uncle, and yet the thought that washed over me was, ‘I wish he will say Hi and act happy to see me like my uncle did just now.’ I felt disappointment. I really wanted him to be as he always is , in reality— nice, caring, concerned about me and fun. Yet, he just stared at me as if he did not want me to show my uncle or anyone for that matter, that he knew me or me him. But then at that second as all those thoughts crowded my mind, my uncle once again spoke from behind me, where he stood and I turned and felt joy wash over me and the thought that no matter what, I loved sweeping he garden and I loved my uncle and he making me feel happy right that second was ‘more’ important than any unsettling thoughts.
ON WAKING — I felt disturbed as I often do when I have vivid dreams that I am ‘sure’ by now are a message. I also realised that I have not swept a garden since I was around sixteen years old and that I used to love sweeping the leaves and stones, even though my hands often got callouses every few days.
INTERPRETATION— Later on I felt my uncle was trying to warn me that this person or people may make me feel ignored, not worthy of their association or even lower my self esteem. However the beautiful leaves and the fact that my uncle made me feel happy, was a direct message that if I just continued to be ‘me’ and do what I felt comfortable doing — regardless of anyone I would be happy and loved by who was meant to love me.
