The Art of Trust
Trust Is Earned When Actions Meet Words
We all are human beings. As human beings, we have a fundamental need to feel secure, but some people in society are insecure about their life events at various points in their lives.
This feeling of insecurity might be rooted in one’s parents or it can develop after being hurt or rejected by someone they trust and care about.
Trust can be considered a very important concept since no matter what generation we are in, trust needs to be engaged while maintaining relationships with other people.
This article explores the concept of trust, the neuroscience of trust, and how to build trust in a variety of relationships.
Defining Trust
Trust is an essential component of any variety of relationships. It takes time to build trust, so it can be considered a long-term process. Once that trust is broken, it’s really hard to rebuild it.
This doesn’t mean that rebuilding trust again is impossible — but it doesn’t happen quickly.
Trust is a person’s confident belief that another’s motivations are considerate toward him or her and that the other person will therefore be responsive to his/her needs.
The term ‘’trust’’ can be defined by some possibilities:
- It is the probability that a person will behave in certain ways
- It is the feeling of security and confidence when a partner cares
- It is a set of behaviours, such as acting interdependently
The Importance of Trust in a Variety of Relationships
1. Trust Gives Reassurance
If you trust your partner to love you and care for you, it will bring you a sense of reassurance. The relationship will survive even if you have fights and arguments.
2. Trust Helps Heal Invisible Wounds
Trust enables you to heal and forgive when you get hurt in your relationships, such as from different expectations, unmet needs and/or misunderstandings.
3. Trust Reduces Stress
The lack of trust is extremely stressful and utilizing trust makes a person feel more relaxed and feel secure.
4. Trust Helps You Overcome Obstacles
When trust is in your relationship, you know that you can overcome various problems together, amidst the differences and challenges that you might face.
Plus, trust gives you a sense of feeling that you are your partner’s priority.
The Circumstances That Lead to Losing Trust
Trust can be considered fundamental in maintaining a healthy and strong relationship. As a psychologist and a counselor, several circumstances can pinpoint when you might lose trust in your partner (even when there is no cheating).
1. Lying or Manipulation
The people who tend to lie frequently don’t want you to know what they are all about and what they are up to. Thus, lying is a kind of manipulation that can damage the trust that you harbor.
2. Going Back on Your Word or Breaking Promises
Promises can be considered as one of the oldest human-specific psychological mechanisms for fostering trust and cooperation.
According to neuroscientific research, the promise is associated with increased activation in the amygdala, the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (DPC), and the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC).
According to researchers, while breaking promises, dishonest participants showed greater activity in the aforementioned regions of the brain.
Here we see that the dishonest act involves emotional conflict due to the suppression of the honest response. Thus, this mismatch between promises and actions will always lead the person to lose trust in someone.
3. A pattern of not sharing feelings openly
To build a successful relationship, both parties should immerse themselves in a mutual give-and-take process. Sharing feelings between two partners will also help build strong and trusting relationships.
6 Ways To Build Trust
While working in the field, I have seen so many people who were struggling with trust issues. Trust is a fragile thing that is easy to break and easy to lose.
I would argue that trust is one of the hardest things to ever get back. However, it is definitely possible to regain that trust — even if it takes some time and effort.
1. Be True to Your Word
Saying one thing and doing another can be considered as a poor reflection of one’s character — even though one has a charming personality.
Always try to honor your commitments and try to keep your word once you have made a promise to your loved ones.
2. Be Consistent
When someone is consistent, always behaves in the same way, and has the same attitudes towards you and your loved ones, there is a higher chance that this person will gain a lot of trust.
3. Be Honest
Telling the truth and making someone cry is always better than telling a lie and making someone smile. Otherwise, it will lead to trauma within the individual due to unpleasant memories, which might cause depression and anxiety.
Always keep in your mind that lies diminish your trustworthiness.
4. Admit Your Mistakes
Admitting your mistakes is not a sign of weakness but a sign of great maturity. If you have the courage to admit mistakes, things can be turned around.
Try to remember that honesty encourages trust.
5. Value Your Relationships and Don’t Take Them for Granted
Regularly showing someone that you’re there for them is an effective way to build trust. It makes the individual more secure and calm.
6. Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say
It is all about the consistency between one’s thoughts and words. Congruency between these two will contribute to a lot of trust-building.
Final Takeaways
Trust is a fragile thing. To be trusted is the greatest compliment than it is to be loved. When in about, always start with the truth and end with the truth.
As mentioned earlier, trust can be lost due to many reasons and those can lead the person to have mental disorders like anxiety and depression.
Trust takes a lifetime to build and a moment to destroy. Regaining trust again is possible when there is commitment, effort, and honesty. Yet, the scars will always remain.
As a psychologist and a counselor, we can wear our scars with pride when we learn to forgive. You must forgive them to make trust possible once more.
Forgiveness does not come easily to us and it does not excuse others’ behaviors — but it prevents their behavior from destroying your heart.
If you are struggling today, remember that your life is worth living for and believe that the best is yet to come.
