Lifelines for Facing the Unknown

It’s ok to not know right now. Photo: Antoinette Klatzky

A young woman, Class of 2020, texted a few weeks ago. She had just graduated and had a job lined up. The job agreed to start paying her even though they were going into lockdown. Her first real, post graduation job would be WFH. A few weeks later, she was let go. This young woman is one of about 20 million students worldwide who have been in colleges and universities in 2019. They, and we all, now sit at the precipice of a very uncertain future.

The deal was: go to school, get a job, make money — start a life. The reality was always somewhat elusive but it seemed possible, tangible, so close or around the corner. Even if it would take a long time, or start off with a crappy, inner city, studio apartment, it seemed doable. Another, more daunting route, would be ‘start your own thing’ but, without a real audience, client list, or clear passion/skill, getting ‘experience’ at a ‘real job’ seemed crucial. Post liberal arts education with a hefty stack of student loan bills to boot, the first concerns have typically been paying off student debt and building experience in a field. But, what if there’s a global pandemic at graduation?

In addition to not getting to walk across the stage in front of family and friends — or have parties to celebrate this lifetime achievement and major milestone, how do you face a future in which the jobs you thought would be available are not, the economy has tanked in a matter of days, and, as a globe, we’re facing the health and economic crisis of a lifetime? The unknowns that present themselves at graduation time are always tricky but this year, they take the cake (literally).

I told the young woman who texted me, I graduated in 2008. While it was a different economic crisis (and this one is more severe and widespread), it was still a crisis — and in every crisis, there is always an opportunity. It’s OK to not know right now (and now, and now, and now). The story these graduates face is just one version of the uncertainty many of us are facing now.

Here are some of the lifelines I use to remind myself how to be with the unknown:

1. Breathe — It seems quite obvious but returning to the breath ALWAYS helps. Deepen the breath a little more than usual (fill the lungs and the belly), pause at the top of the inhale and exhale. Stay with this breath for a few moments. There is so much in the breath — a sense of expansion and contraction, a reminder that just when it seems that there’s nothing left (at the bottom of the exhale), a new inhale begins. Similar to the end of winter, Spring rises again.
2. Bake Bread — Have you noticed that during this pandemic, flour and yeast sold out immediately? Baking bread is soothing. You could physically bake bread or make some other kind of food. The main point is that you do something to nourish yourself. What do you — what does your body — actually NEED to survive? What are you capable of providing for yourself? Physically making something, like bread, from flour and water, gives a little sense of accomplishment. Plus, kneading the bread really helps get out some of the angst.
3. Be in Nature — There are always ways to be in nature. Whether planting your own feet on the ground, taking a walk, or planting a seed (save some from fruit or a veggie!) it’s possible. For me, nature allows me to soften and return to my heart. When we make decisions for our lives only based on the mind, I don’t think we’ll ever be truly fulfilled. Making a plan is great but it’s all in the mind. Walking in the woods reminds me that there are always stones or branches in the path, even if it’s one we’ve walked before. Be with what is, soften your heart and work with what is presenting itself in the path.
4. Find Gratitude — One tiny practice I do every day now is listing three gratitudes every morning. It helps me get present to what, in my life, I already have, rather than constantly moving to what I had or what I want. It’s a paradigm shift. Or at the very least, a mindset shift, which truthfully, makes all the difference. Three little gratitudes. That’s it.
5. Share your gifts — You have a gift. Really. It might not be something you want to share on stage (yes, it also might actually be talent show worthy). You have a gift, a contribution to make. It could be something you’re really good at, something you like to do, something you’ve learned, or it could be a coping mechanism you’ve developed to deal with something you don’t like. You. Have. A. Gift. Find a way to share it with others. If you needed/wanted it at some point, someone else in the world (over 7.6 billion of us) will want or need it too. Start sharing it for free. That may be enough. As you refine it, it may prove to have value for others and give back to you too.

Basically, stay open, follow your heart, take action where you can. Be with the unknown. And, remember your community. Lebron James recently shared in the Class of 2020 online graduation ceremony: “Be the first generation to embrace a new responsibility — a responsibility to rebuild your community. Class of 2020, the world has changed. You will determine how we rebuild and I ask that you make your community your priority.”

It’s a message for Class of 2020 but it’s a message for all of us. There were many things that were not working before. Let’s not pretend that every high school or college graduate found meaningful work and built the life of their dreams pre-Covid-19. We can do better. While we sit with the unknown and sense into what is actually possible together, let’s let a few things be known:

Let it be known that our response to this crisis was not to become downtrodden and hopeless. Let it be known that we are here to change the game — we can shift our mindset, stay attuned to the heart and build back better for our families, our communities, our world and ourselves.