When I am Tired
Article by Lucinda Garthwaite — originally published at The Institute for Liberatory Innovation
I’m tired this week. I imagine some readers of this post are too. Weary of pandemic-driven limitations and differences with friends, colleagues and family. Worried about climate change. Deeply despairing of war and its impact. Exhausted by the relentless loss of livelihood and life to hate and bias.
In conversations with several friends and colleagues this week and last, we talked about this moment in time, what feels like a crumbling of the planet and of capacity for humanity. We also reminded ourselves of the many, many times that moments like these have miraculously shifted for the better.
I was reminded of Erica Chenowith and Maria Stephen’s excellent book, Why Civil Resistance Works: The Strategic Logic of Nonviolent Conflict, which offers sturdy evidence of the possibility of liberatory change in the face of fierce and violent limitation. **
Some of us remembered or observed Yom Kippur this week which, as Rabbi David Wolpe writes, offers an opportunity to remember, “that human beings are capable of transformation.” My friends and I reminded ourselves that the ecology of news cycles relentlessly points to the crumbling, and often obscures the millions of everyday actions that promise hope.
Still, I am tired. So I was particularly grateful that my friend and colleague Jordan Laney reminded me of a piece by nonviolence and restorative justice trainer Kazu Haga, published in Waging Nonviolence in 2017.
The title of Haga’s post that day was “ The Urgency of Slowing Down.” I was so moved by the relevance to how I’m feeling this week that I wrote to the co-founder and editor of Waging Nonviolence, Bryan Farrell, to ask permission to excerpt all or most of Haga’s post. Generously, he wrote right back to say yes.
Writing in the days following the start of the administration of the most recent former US president, Haga began, “On April 4, 1967, exactly one year before his assassination, Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his famous “Beyond Vietnam” speech in Harlem’s Riverside Church. In it, he spoke of being confronted with ‘the fierce urgency of now.’ “
Haga continues, “ [King] went on to say that, ‘there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time … We must move past indecision to action.”’ [King] warned us that if we do not move into action, ‘we shall surely be dragged down the long dark and shameful corridors of time reserved for those who possess power without compassion, might without morality, and strength without sight.’ “
After affirming the need for resistance 50 years after King spoke, Haga asked, “As we confront the urgency of the moment, how do we ensure that we are not organizing from a place of panic?”
He begins his answer by remembering, “the elders at Standing Rock, reminding us that we need to slow down. That for indigenous peoples, struggle is nothing new. We’ve been here before. That for them, everything they do is ceremony, prayer, ritual. And those are not things that you rush. You do it with intention, with all of the time and respect that it deserves.”
Haga goes on to detail the ways that “mov[ing] from a place of panic” undermines the effectiveness of working for change, including the particularly critical warning that, “We also are much likelier to perpetuate the same systems of violence that we are trying to resist when we work in a frenzied pace.”
“The work of social change is stressful enough,” Haga writes, “But if we are moving without intention, without mindfulness and without awareness of how we are moving, it can easily add to what is already a challenge. So we need to learn to slow down, while acknowledging the urgency of this moment.”
I was grateful to be reminded that balancing urgency with slowing down is not only self-care, it’s an essential strategy for effective activism. This understanding is also reflected in the framework for the Nap Ministry, which considers “sleep deprivation a racial and social justice issue.” For the Nap Ministry, “Rest is Resistance.”
That’s good to know because I have not slept well in weeks, and I know I’m not alone in this, and the moment is urgent.
Inspired by Kazu Haga’s post, I slowed down yesterday. Mindful of the Jewish tradition of reflection on Yom Kippur, I allowed myself time to think. I gave up on writing. I walked. On one of those walks, it came to me that there are three things I can always do, even when I am tired, that will respond to the urgency of the moment:
I can reflect on the length of the struggle for liberatory change, and on my intention to be part of it. There is plenty of evidence that reflection strengthens resolve, and resolve responds to urgency.
I can rest. In the context of my committed intention, I can slow down, breathe deeply and rest for as long as I need to in order to be well and get back to work that requires more energy.
I can abstain from violence. I can for example refrain from posting on social media until I have the energy to channel my anger strategically, without name calling or otherwise denigrating others’ humanity. I can cancel meetings with people whose ideas or behaviors scare or anger me until I can respond nonviolently. Not being violent takes energy, but not as much, I’ve found, in the context of rest and reflection. And abstaining from violence is always a critical strategy in response to the urgency of the moment.
I just stopped typing, and took three deep breaths. I’m about to stand up and stretch, then drink a glass of water in the cool autumn sunshine. I wish you at least as much rest today.
.** Please see the “Liberatory Resources” section later in this week’s newsletter for links to all of the writers and organizations referenced in this post.
Originally published at https://www.liberatoryinstitute.org on September 17, 2021.
