Reminiscence — The Past That Failed To Endure

Standing on the balcony, I stared out into the night. It was past midnight, and I had turned off the lights of my room with the hope of enjoying the stars. As luck would have it, the winter night sky was all clouded up. Still I stared up ahead into the blackness, oblivious to the cold wind blowing. Don’t know how long I had been lost I my thoughts, until it broke me out of my trance. I turned my head around, and my eyes fell upon my phone on the table. It was blinking, and was ringing with a tune I hadn’t heard in five years. The cold darkness hid my deep frown, as I knew that tune meant only one person. Memories of my elder brother came flooding back as I stepped forward to pick it up, painful memories that I had tried so hard to suppress over the past few years. Taking the phone in my hand, I felt its well-worn body in between my fingers, the only surviving memory of my dead sibling. Hesitatingly, I picked up the call and put the phone to my ear. I didn’t say anything, but simply waited for the caller to respond.

“It’s me. I need to talk to you.” said the female voice on the other side, making no attempt to hide the sadness and remorse in her voice. I kept silent, my face expressionless, as my thoughts couldn’t help but hurtle back to the past.

— — — — —

Slowly I made my way through the dark street in the dead of the night, stealthily like a predator looking for unwary prey. The rest of the phone conversation faded away as my mind clung on to her voice whispering before she hung up, “Meet me there.”

I shivered as I pulled my coat tighter around my body in an attempt to shield myself from the howling winds. The bitter cold did nothing to clear my head, as I desperately searched for a reason why she would call me out in the middle of the night. I had no intention of having any contact with her after all she did to us, but something somewhere made me get out of the warm comfort of my room and throw myself into the dark deserted streets. My footsteps instinctively took me along the right path, as my head began to play slowly and painfully frame by frame, the past few years of my life.

It had been seven years since our parents passed away in the tragic plane crash. He was twenty, I was seventeen. A huge shock for both of us, two young boys hardly out of their teens being thrown headfirst into the harsh realm of reality. Yet, no matter what the cost, no matter what the level of hardships we had to face, he stood as sturdy as a mountain, allowing nothing to affect me. I took him to be really strong. Only later did I realise how much I had underestimated him that time. He always went around with a smile on his face, and he maintained cordial relations with everyone. Everyone was happy to see that we were getting on with life.

What everyone failed to see, however, was the other side of the coin. No matter how much he showed otherwise, I knew for a fact that he was hurting deep inside, but not showing it. The loss of both parents and a younger brother to look after, it has to hurt really really bad. Many a night I found him out of bed. When I asked later, he smiled and said not to worry. One night I followed him to our parents’ room and was saddened to see him sitting in front of our parents’ photos, tears streaming down his otherwise happy face. So this is what he must be doing night after night, so that I wouldn’t worry about him. I stood at the doorway, saddened to see him in such a state. I didn’t say anything, just went and hugged him from behind. He gasped as he realised it was me.

“You think it’s cool to cry all alone?” I mocked him, “well you can do it when I’m not around.”

“Heh, who do you think you’re talking to, smartass?” he smirked.

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m your younger brother, and you’re my elder brother,” I extended my right hand.

“Fancy meeting you here, bro.” he continued the act, shaking my hand.

Then we both broke down laughing.

“Now stop crying, big baby. You don’t need to add any more water to the atmosphere than the rain outside is doing right now.”

He smiled back, and I knew that he’s going to be just fine.

— — — — —

The howling of the stray dogs in the dark alleyway brought me back to my senses. My vision slowly coming back to reality, I realised that I had reached the place. I rapped my knuckles thrice on the door. It has been five years since I had last seen her. As I waited for the door to open, I looked back into the semi-dark staircase with the flickering light above, wondering what changes the world has brought down upon her in the meantime. When the door finally opened, I looked up at her. She still looked the same. It was evident that she had been crying, but she was still as beautiful as the first time we saw her. The long flowing jet-black hair, those sharp hazel eyes, that sweet smile. My brother was damn lucky. As I stood at the doorway taking in her beauty, I remembered the first time we met her.

There was this bar-cum-diner my brother and I used to go every Saturday to catch up with people. That night we sat at the bar table and ordered our usual. As the bartender readied our drinks, we turned and faced the people, making investigative observations about the audience, a favourite pastime of ours, when suddenly he stopped talking.

“What’s up, cat got your tongue?” I turned to him.

He seemed transfixed at something. I followed his gaze to see him gaping at this girl who had just come in the bar.

“Shut your mouth, dummy. A truck could park inside,” I elbowed him in the ribs. He didn’t shut his mouth. Oh God, I thought, what am I going to do with this kid.

“She’s new to this town, just moved in two days ago. Lives just around the corner,” the bartender began giving live commentary, “And, lucky for you, she’s single. I’d say go for it, pal,” he slapped my brother on the back, and gave him a hearty wink.

She seemed to realise someone had his eyes on her. As she met eyes with my brother, he blushed a deep red, and took a sudden turn to face the bar table with a momentum that threatened to overturn both our drinks. He suddenly looked very much interested in the drink. I looked back just in time to see her embarrassed look. I waved at her and motioned her towards our location. She blushed too. As she made her way towards us, I got up from my seat to give her a place beside my dear big brother. As he began to realise with great shock what was going to happen, he gave me an ‘I’m going to kill you for this’ look. I shifted to next seat, and returned the bartender his wink. As she sat beside him, embarrassed from head to toe, he choked on his drink. She blushed again. Like I care, I thought to myself, as I stole a sideways glance to see how things would turn out for them. The bartender also became busy in his work, so as not to add to the embarrassment that I had already plunged those two into. They seemed to hold their positions for eternity. Come on, make a move for god’s sake.

“Hi,” he finally made the move, glancing at her. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hi,” she returned the glance with much effort.

“So you’re new here I heard?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I get you a drink? It’s on me.”

She hesitated.

“He’s a good guy, you know,” the bartender butted in, “I’ve known these two since they were kids. I can vouch for them”

Then he said something that embarrassed me and made her giggle.

“Okay then, if you say so,” she replied.

As she got her drink, they finally introduced themselves. Then they started talking. Although the air was heavy with embarrassment, they were starting to get along.

As we finished our drinks and got ready to leave. I stayed back for a moment to let them go ahead.

“Just make sure they don’t do anything stupid,” the bartender added on a parting note. I nodded to confirm his message.

As we walked out of the place onto the streets, I lagged behind to give them their space. As he walked her to her place, they exchanged numbers and promised to meet again. As she closed the door behind her, he breathed a sigh of relief. I ran up to him and patted him on the back.

“Not bad, not bad at all,” I smirked.

“Shut up!” he said, trying to catch his breath.

Then I saw something that made me both surprised and relieved. He was smiling again, the type of smile that emanates from the very bottom of the heart. Hope was on its way, making its way back to our lives once again.

©Auro_01042017