On Adulting
So I started my adulting journey a few (ok, maybe a little more than a few) years ago, and I can’t say I have it figured out yet.
But the more that I feel trapped –to say the least- in this seemingly endless journey to Lord knows where, the more I realize that I’m not alone on here. As it turns out, research shows that more people in their twenties experience quarter life crisis, characterized by depression, anxiety, loneliness and insecurities. With younger people being successful, and the media painting the image of what we are supposed to be look like, act like, live in, drive up, work for, and have invented by 22, sometimes it may seem a bit overwhelming. This is definitely not what we expected as we dreamed of freedom and independence at 14.
I decided to ask a bunch of 20-somethings how they know they have adulted, or are adulting, and the following are the 10 top responses I got;
1. You have a marital clock.
Although this clock appears earlier for women than it does for men, you know you are an adult when it seems like society (everybody, from parents, to uncles aunties, to random old lady on the street) is suddenly aware that you carry a ticking time bomb which might go off at any moment if you do not defuse it by changing your relationship status.
2. You no longer look forward to birthdays.
Long gone are the sweet days of giggles and sheer excitement at the thought of getting older. Now, thinking of adding 1 to your age is not as appealing, and birthdays have become that one day in a year that you are blatantly reminded that you don’t have so much time left. Quite frankly, it seems rather unfair how time seems to speed up once you turn 21. Whether you’re working, schooling, raising kids, or just plain chilling, 30 hits you like a bang, and you’re amazed at how you got there so fast. One good advice though, is to measure your life in mile stones. As time ‘Usain Bolt’s’ itself towards wrinkles and greying hairs, walk steadily in your lane growing at your own pace, counting your achievements and blessings, one step at a time.
3. You treasure family more.
As you get older, the relationship you have with your family deepens. With age and time, family becomes more than a bunch of people you lived with, who did all they could to drive you bananas, to the people with whom you share deep roots of identity and belonging. This is of course an ideal situation, and not everyone comes from families they want to deepen their relationship with. But the truth remains that over time, people tend to desire more relationships that give a sense of identity and belonging.
4. You desire less and less friends.
As we go farther from our childhood, there's a longing to be known, probably because now, we are truly finding and growing into ourselves. Hurtful life experiences also make people guarded, and it becomes harder to trust. At the end of the day, quality of relationships becomes more important that quantity and we thrive on connections and good vibes.
5. You’re not as easily excited.
All that throwing up of hands in the air and squealing over the littlest things are done. DONE. You realize that nothing in life is really that deep, and those kids falling over themselves at the thought of freshman week should just chill.
6. Your dreams become more realistic.
Although some might say that this is a disadvantage, truth is, life has had a go at you at this point and you know that unicorns don’t really exist. When you think about your future, unlike a child, your dreams are more likely to be constrained by a thousand factors of reality. The ability to maintain a childlike spirit becomes a precious gift, because we all need to be able to dream and hope for unicorns sometimes.
7. You want money.
Money is important in life. You need money. You have to get money.
8. Paying your way through life.
You know you are an adult when you go shopping with your mother and she gives you a blank stare, expecting you to pay when cashier tells you the price for the 50 shoes you don’t need. Nothing is free anymore; even your parents will soon start to ask to get paid for the room you’ve been staying in since you were five. Whether its money, time, or ‘favours’ of any kind, you start paying your way through one way or another. The earlier we get this, the better.
9. Choices you make have greater consequences.
After a certain age, it seems like a decision as simple as rice or beans for lunch, can change the course of your life forever. In her book The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How To Make The Best Of Them (a must read if I must say), Meg Jay explains that the fact that we are told we can be anything, do anything, and the world is at our disposal actually tends to overwhelm and intimidate most people in their twenties, preventing them from making concrete life decisions for fear that it could be wrong a one. With the pressure to succeed, and the not-so- subtle awareness that we only live once, taking significant steps towards a particular path –marriage, career, and personal- seems almost too definite. Unyielding to change or adjustment. Till death do you part. We struggle with not knowing the future or how each of our options might end so it’s easier to choose. I wish I had some sound advice on this, but I’m just here always choosing rice, and doing my best to be true to myself, sometimes wandering down the path less travelled.
10. Lastly, you start to give less and less f**ks, and learn to accept yourself. This one takes a while, but in time, we all grow into ourselves and finally get the hang of this adult thing.
Written by Venessa Williams
