Why the Chrises of Hollywood Are Like Numenoreans (and Why That’s Impossible for Us Everyday Nobos)
Alright, fuckit, let’s talk about the Chrises — Hemsworth, Pratt, Evans. These guys are like the Numenoreans from Tolkien’s lore: longer lives, greater smarts, and heaps of cultural sway. But let’s face it, their world is galaxies away from ours.
These dudes have personal trainers, nutritionists, and wellness gurus, all costing more than our monthly salaries. Hemsworth’s Centr app gives us a peek into the amount of time and kit needed to look like Thor, but keeping up with that isn’t cheap and is likely to leave you sore. Plus, they’ve got millions of fans watching their waistlines, unlike us mere mortals.
For guys like me — 5 years older than Hemsworth — balancing work, family, and self-care is tough. We don’t have the luxury of hours in the gym or a team of experts. We’ve got jobs, part-time hustles, and family responsibilities. Any motivation to look good without a shirt comes from within, not from millions of fans and likes on social media.
And let’s be real, the lifestyle overhaul required to look even a bit like one of those Chrises Of Numenor is massive. It’s not just about hitting the gym; it’s changing your whole life. The Chrises might have time for this, but for us, it’s a battle to fit in a quick workout between work and family. I even try to persuade my wife to jog with me (both literally and horizontally). She has no interest.
Of course I’m going to bring this around to lookism — the notion that physical appearance can significantly impact one’s social opportunities and interactions. The Chrises benefit enormously from lookism, where their physical appeal enhances their career opportunities and social status. For the rest of us, the societal emphasis on looks can be demotivating. We see these perfect images and feel inadequate in comparison. It’s tough to keep up when the standards are set by those who have access to resources and motivations far beyond our reach.
And I’m not the only person who thinks so. Fat Thor is a meme which I’ve basically spun out into an entire article here.
So, while these Hollywood Numenoreans inspire us, their standards are a totally fucking unrealistic. Just like the Numenoreans in Tolkien’s mytholgy, you have to be born lucky to look like this. You need to right personality, the right connects, the right looks, the right everything. On top of which, you need to be lucky. And you need to have nothing else to do with your life except care about looking good. Shit, I was too busy to even write this article, had to get some help from an AI, which spat out the following predictable slop:
“Our heroism isn’t in abs or biceps but in the everyday resilience and love we show. For us, the goal is a balanced, healthy life that works for our reality.”
From an Obsequois Machine I pay to say nice things about me
I’m gonna leave that in, I like the idea that I’m a hero. But only to an obsequous AI and sadly not to millions of people, and only just slightly to my own nearest and dearest. I think it would be heroic if I could just manage not to drink myself to death over the next decade.
I wish I could be proud of my dad-bod and/or lose a few pounds, but at least I got to coin the phrase Everyday Nobos. So, if you liked this piece, follow me and share it away will you, I could use the boost.
Cheers
Stephen (Not Chris) Prime
