Being a Technical Leader and a Mom
A celebration of how they serve each other.
I recently made a life changing decision, an unexpected veer in my career. And with whom did I seek counsel in this decision? My kids. Some may be surprised in the seriousness of which I make this claim. However, it’s just another example of how I balance being a Mom with my career, and how they complement each other.
As a Mom (first) and a Technical Leader (second), decisions such as these are personal, complex and not guilt-free. I won’t spend a lot of time on Mom-guilt. It is a real thing on all sorts of levels. Sheryl G. Ziegler in How to Let Go of Working-Mom Guilt helps us embrace this guilty feeling by reminding us it is a sign of compassion. She also provides some useful tips for using guilt for good (i.e. reminds us to continue pursuing work-life balance) and purging the bad (i.e. discourages dwelling on the perfections no one can achieve).
In honor of Mother’s Day, I want to celebrate Moms who are Technical Leaders. It is not a choice for everyone, but in my case, these personal and complex decisions are resulting in immense personal growth and enriched relationships — in both being a Mom and being a Technical Leader. Here are some of my examples.
Perspective. Being a Mom has given me great perspective. Pre-kids, I remember one time sitting at the kitchen table with my head in my hands, crying. I had a full-scale radiator going into a NASA thermal vacuum chamber only to learn that our fittings had a carcinogenic coating that prevented us from moving to test! We ultimately solved it and it was a non-issue. But Oh! the self-induced, wasted energy on useless stress! Fast forward to after I had kids. My youngest daughter at 18 months had a false positive on a blood cancer test. That gives you some perspective. At the end of the day, there may be significant challenges at work but my kid doesn’t have blood cancer. As a Technical Leader, we have time and teamwork to solve engineering problems. There is no use crying over it.
Permission. One of my mentors, co-founder, President and CEO of Paragon Space Development Corporation Grant Anderson, told me to never apologize for having to go pick up my kids or attend a school event. I wasn’t apologizing for being a Mom but his point was clear. He was changing the conversation at work. I may apologize for moving a meeting but don’t apologize because my priority is my children. He gave me permission to prioritize my family which in turn made me both a better Mom and better employee. I was less inclined to be resentful towards either and I was recharged after having a break and time with my family. As a Technical Leader, I reinforce that message to all my parents.
Pursuing dreams — even if you fail. Like many aerospace engineers, I aspired to be an astronaut and applied many times. One time I actually made the first cut in the application process! We celebrated the news as a family. I submitted a physical. Then (you can guess the outcome of this story) I received notification that I was not selected to continue on to the interview. I distinctly remember my older daughter’s sad expression. She was only five. “Oh mommy. Does this mean you won’t get to go into space?” I immediately felt I let her down, but she reached for my hand. She wasn’t disappointed in me, she was disappointed for me. My child had expressed empathy. In return, as a Mom, I taught her it was okay to fail, try again and (eventually) create new dreams.
Work-life balance. Ok. Let us be clear. Do I achieve this? No. Even as I write this blog, I look at the clock and instantly know I am about to be late picking up our youngest daughter at work… Returning safely with my daughter and after dinner, it is now late in the evening as I continue writing this blog. In all seriousness, it is not that I would neglect family but I do often neglect myself by sacrificing sleep or skipping workouts to do that one last email (which turns into 10 an hour later). But I will say I am way more successful at not completely tipping the scale because I am a Mom. We actually hold each other accountable, both as I continue to struggle and as they learn to manage increased priorities around high school, work, exercise, eating healthy and extra curricular activities. The example of my pursuit of work-life balance also serves my teams at work. As a Technical Leader, respecting everyone’s need for some balance, and encouraging it through example, results in a healthier, happier and more productive team.
Women have a voice. No good blog goes without a little background research — so I asked my daughters their thoughts! Both separately noted without hesitation that I set a good example on not being afraid to engage in deep conversations (even with “really smart men”). In their view, I comfortably express opinions, seek understanding, and challenge perspectives. They value this, and credit their Mom’s ability to being a Technical Leader.
Exposure. Who says discussions about careers, leadership, and problem solving have to wait till your kids are “older”? Whether or not my daughters follow in my footsteps and become engineers, I want them to become familiar with engineering and related careers, to think holistically about systems, and to not be afraid to ask questions. Their exposure throughout their childhood to my career and role as a Technical Leader has provided great technical, business, and people management content. For example, my older daughter recalls me coming home from work and asking them for advice on how to solve a specific engineering challenge! We’d discuss the merits of many ideas. She credits these experiences with learning how to reason through problems.
Overcoming self-doubt. I’ve had self-doubt throughout my career for various reasons. “I’ve never developed this technology before.” “My experience isn’t directly relevant.” “I’ve never managed something so big!” (Oh — and I have never posted a blog before!) This is not isolated to women, as addressed by a wonderfully reassuring blog from my Prime Movers Lab Partner Anton Brevde Conquering Imposter Syndrome. So as a Mom, I share these insecurities with my daughters to reveal I do also get scared, I don’t have all the answers and all of that is all right. My younger daughter just took a new job as a swim instructor for young children. She personally has never had swim instruction in her life but noted my example of having the courage to go for it and figure it out. Fake it till you make it is her go-to mantra! (Thanks to me?)
Courage to make change. So now I circle back to that personal, complex and difficult decision to change course in my career. As my daughters are growing into young adults, I am not only offering another opportunity to mentor in life choices, but also seeking their counsel. They can recognize Prime Movers Lab is a special opportunity, in and of itself, and also specifically for us.
I think my daughters are right.
Prime Mover’s Lab’s core virtue is that being a powerful leader equates to being a powerful servant. I think that aligns very well with my approach to being both a Technical Leader and a Mom.
Prime Movers Lab invests in breakthrough scientific startups founded by Prime Movers, the inventors who transform billions of lives. We invest in companies reinventing energy, transportation, infrastructure, manufacturing, human augmentation, and agriculture.
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