‘Calling In’ Culture
Instead of ‘calling out’.
Recently I came across this article describing a college Professor’s course which includes a module on how to create a culture of ‘calling in’ rather than ‘calling out’. It really resonated with me, this idea that instead of publicly shaming and humiliating others, more often than not from behind a screen or at a distance, we aim to take a stand from a place of compassion, curiosity and ideally inspiration. Besides, research shows that shaming is counterproductive and can actually make people more resistant to change. So why do so many still do it?
Professor Ross says, “I think [calling out] is also related to something I just discovered called doom scrolling. I think we actually sabotage our own happiness with this unrestrained anger. And I have to honestly ask: Why are you making choices to make the world crueler than it needs to be and calling that being ‘woke’? She believes “the antidote to that outrage cycle, is “calling in”. Calling in is like calling out, but done privately and with respect. It’s a call out done with love. That may mean simply sending someone a private message, or even ringing them on the telephone to discuss the matter, or simply taking a breath before commenting, screen-shotting or demanding one “do better” without explaining how.”
Remember Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s quote, “Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you” (more from our ‘Politics vs. Humanity’ post here). So, instead of shaming others and calling them out, we ‘called them in’ to a higher purpose and inspire them to jump on the bandwagon.
‘Calling in’ will require more courage for these 1-on-1 conversations, as well as a higher degree of self-awareness and non-judgement. To be able to see your “enemy” as someone to guide or educate in the journey, rather than someone to take or break down. Professor Ross says, “I think we overuse that word ‘trigger’ when really we mean discomfort, and we should be able to have uncomfortable conversations.” ‘Calling in’ will require us to let go of the discomfort and set-up the potentially uncomfortable but necessary conversations, privately and compassionately.
Just imagine at a company or start-up ‘All Hands’ meeting, when the boss or someone senior to you ‘calls you out’ for missing a deadline or “dropping the ball” in some capacity. How does or did it make you feel? Nauseous, unsettled, embarrassed, or perhaps causing knots in your stomach. Considering my own experience in Investment Banking, it was a regular occurrence that summer or first year Analysts were frequently publicly shamed or embarrassed during deal team meetings. It was seen as part of the initiation. And the tougher you were, the more often senior folks wanted to work with you knowing that you didn’t scare easily. Effective? Maybe as a scare tactic, but not sustainable or long-lasting. Perhaps contributing to the reason that very few people who started out as analysts stayed in Banking at all. Just my own postulation though.
Instead, imagine a company culture where your colleagues ‘called you in’ and did so in private after a meeting. Wouldn’t you feel more supported to grow rather than embarrassed and wanting to retreat? There is of course a time and a place for both; ‘calling in’ vs ‘calling out’, and lessons to be learned broadly when done publicly or holding those in leadership or positions of authority accountable. But for the most part ‘calling in’ inspires others to join you. How effective is it when you’re yelling at someone versus when you’re down regulated and speaking to them as an equal. Which have you found more effective in your own life, personal or professional? I suspect, and know for myself, the latter is far more effective and everlasting — talking with someone, rather than at them.
“Professor Ross thinks call-out culture has taken conversations that could have once been learning opportunities and turned them into mud wrestling on message boards, YouTube comments, Twitter and at colleges like Smith, where proving one’s commitment to social justice has become something of a varsity sport. Calling out assumes the worst. ‘Calling in’ involves conversation, compassion and context. It doesn’t mean a person should ignore harm, slight or damage, but nor should she, he or they exaggerate it.” When someone disagrees with you it’s not ‘verbal violence’, and responding to those we disagree with in a way of ‘calling in’ ultimately creates a culture of compassion. She notes that “it used to be you’d be calling someone out to a duel. This is how Alexander Hamilton got shot! What’s new is the virality and the speed and the anonymity.”
It is not about being conflict-averse or non-confrontational, it’s about being thoughtful and conscious in response. To fully hear and aim to understand and relate to one another, regardless of their position, perspective or opinion. Isn’t that what it means to be distinct and diverse humans. Isn’t a difference of perspective what has allowed our global evolution. Technology in and of itself, if everything thought the same we wouldn’t have invention at the frequency and massive impact we do.
She also reminds us that, “You can’t be responsible for someone else’s inability to grow. So take comfort in the fact that you offered a new perspective of information and you did so with love and respect, and then you walk away… We have a saying in the movement: Some people you can work with and some people you can work around. But the thing that I want to emphasize is that the calling-in practice means you always keep a seat at the table for them if they come back.”
Prime Movers Lab invests in breakthrough scientific startups founded by Prime Movers, the inventors who transform billions of lives. We invest in seed-stage companies reinventing energy, transportation, infrastructure, manufacturing, human augmentation and agriculture.
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