Classic Trance States

(that’ll slowly Kill your Startup; Part 2)

I don’t know about you, but for most of my life “personal development” meant learning a new thing, like picking up a new musical instrument or a foreign language. As I became slightly more sophisticated it also meant working smarter by learning a better way to learn like speed reading or organizational hacks. But the most epic shifts I’ve seen in leaders that struggled with something one day and suddenly excelled at it literally a month later…those shifts come less from developing a new skill and more from developing a new way to relate to absolutely everything in your life. I often think of these moments as snapping out of a layer of “trance”, managing to realize you’re fixed on a narrowed view of the world in a particular way that may serve a purpose but also inherently limits your abilities to the degree you’re relating to that limited view of the world as the world.

I didn’t know this type of change was on the menu until I’d tasted it directly (see Part 1 for my uncomfortably personal experience of this) so if this sounds esoteric so far, bear with me!

This week I’ll describe a few of the most common trance states I see founders stuck in. You may actually recognize one of them for yourself, and more likely you’ll recognize that you’re not at all fixated in these particular ways but suddenly remember a different way you do tend to have tunnel vision.

First though, another personal example:

This must have been summer of ’03, but these “ah ha” moments are so potent that the memory is still etched clearly in my mind. A friend pulled me aside at one of our weekend meditation retreats saying, “Decker it’s just occurring to me you probably have no idea how much more…significant things seem when you come around” to which I replied “oh cool, no I had no idea but thanks!” After an awkward silence she took a deep breath, smiled with that sincere warmth my grandma used to emanate before telling me something she knew I wouldn’t like to hear, and clarified “no I don’t mean it as a compliment exactly, I mean even when we’re all feeling light-hearted and playful, the moment you join us things quickly become serious and not always in ways I enjoy as much”. As these processes go, I of course responded to her sharing this idea of me being significant with a very significant level of concern and apologeticness! Fortunately she was skilled in the nuances of waking up from these subtle trance states, laughingly she pointed out “it’s happening right now, even the way you’re responding to me sharing this with you seems so important as if someone’s life is on the line!”. Time slowed down as I watched my default impulse to relate to all of this with increasing seriousness, and as I relaxed out of that impulse (feels similar to relaxing out of the impulse to sneeze in an awkward moment) memories flooded in of early times when someone’s life actually was on the line…probably a story for another time but for now let’s just say this fixed way of being didn’t come from nowhere. My son Trent is named after one of my brothers who we lost very young. With tears in my eyes I found myself smiling and relaxing, new ways of responding starting to come on line for the first time in decades. If we ever have a conversation, you very well may find me to still be a bit on the heavy handed side of things, and at times my taking things seriously is very appropriate and helpful, but since this moment with my friend I’ve been far more likely to find humor and humility in hard situations that would’ve otherwise stifled creativity and morale for me and my teams.

3 Common Trances for Founders

1. Competence — Relating to my answer as the answer isn’t necessarily arrogant, in fact at times conviction is absolutely crucial for leading a team. That said, automatically and habitually conveying your perspective as if it’s the perspective invariably erodes morale for your leaders who, at the very least, may have ideas that’ll enrich the direction you’re already convinced of. I’ve seen inspiration plummet on engineering teams when the founders publicly insist they have “the most brilliant engineers on the planet” yet privately demonstrate little to no interest in their perspectives in a time crunch. Occasionally I’m in a coaching session with a CEO and without hesitation admit, “that sounds like a serious dilemma for sure, but I’m not actually sure if I have a good angle on how to help you here…how do you imagine you might coach yourself in this situation?” One of my favorite parts of coaching is the visceral lightbulb moment as they realize two “obvious” things. First, it’s always an option to share uncertainty yet in no way relinquish responsibility for leading the conversation nor responsibility for the ultimate results. Second, it’s at least as effective leadership in the long run to engage the best ideas of your leadership team as it is to continually convince them of your own.
2. Being Polite — Countless times in my career I’ve pulled aside an executive after a particularly harsh moment with their CEO only to be reassured, “oh thanks for checking on me, but you have to remember who I reported to at my last company…now that was abusive!” Welcoming struggles and even flat out failures as part of the startup journey with conviction yet kindness is too rare a capacity out there in my opinion. That said I’ve seen the reverse trance state more and more over the years, a particularly sterile style of conversation that doesn’t even allow for the possibility of expressing respectful non-shaming intensity or even anger. Leadership teams with a robust sense of respect for each other’s expertise and invaluable role often find themselves expressing intensity similar to ways my brother and I would fight as kids — our regard for each other was so complete we were safe enough to really play full out.
3. Relationality — The irony of this one isn’t lost on me, I’ve spent my career advocating for emotional intelligence and rapport building across military platoons to homeless shelters to venture funds. In the past decade the reverse trance has been showing up more, in which the founder “automatically always” assumes concerns with their team need be addressed by huddling up and expressing them. Entire departments report being hamstrung by a few individuals being outraged someone was hired without their approval, when those upset individuals wouldn’t even be working directly with that person! I mediated one of these disputes and the department head seemed sincerely exasperated as she said “The amount of resources we’ve spent just recruiting for this position let alone interviewing everyone…I’m sorry for anyone feeling out of the loop but I’m also just shocked some of you are weighing your affinity for an individual as more important than the functioning of our company!” The most blunt way I’ve seen someone snap a team out of this more recent brand of trance state was by arguably the most famous investor of all time. He basically said “I seriously doubt a day of paintball, let alone a group therapy session, is going to improve morale nearly as much as if we win even half as well this quarter as we did this time last year”…mic drop.

Please share your thoughts below, especially if you have examples of limited views you’ve grown beyond. I’ve continued to learn from many of your shares, thank you!

Prime Movers Lab invests in breakthrough scientific startups founded by Prime Movers, the inventors who transform billions of lives. We invest in seed-stage companies reinventing energy, transportation, infrastructure, manufacturing, human augmentation and computing

Sign up here if you are not already subscribed to our blog.