Conflict Resolution

Simple Fast Steps to Alignment

I recently had the pleasure of mediating a highly contentious and seemingly unsolvable disagreement and helping the involved parties reach a beautiful and loving resolution. It was an extremely rewarding opportunity and I’m deeply grateful for their trust. Here are a few of my takeaways from the experience that I think apply broadly to complex conflicts

1. Start with rapport rather than the content of the conflict. For example, each party can first share what they appreciate, like or love about the other so that the discussion of the conflict is in the context of genuine good will.
2. Next, focus on the most important shared agreements on the topic to help frame the disagreements as smaller and surmountable when viewed from the bigger picture.
3. If necessary, take some of the things that happened leading to the conflict and unpack them where each side can appreciate why the other acted the way he or she did and ideally apologize to each other for the negative impact of the behavior.
4. Now, with those steps out of the way, clearly lay out what each person ideally wants in the realm of the disagreement. Too often people jump to this without the alignment and clearing of the prior steps.
5. Again, emphasize the points of alignment and then take the remaining contentious points and identify multiple possible compromises that involved both sides giving on things.
6. With those multiple compromise scenarios, have each person prioritize and find the option that everyone can agree to (even if it isn’t their ideal).
7. Celebrate the alignment and share further appreciation for finding the win-win.
8. Take some immediate action from this new place of alignment that moves the resolution into reality rather than just a concept.

These basic steps can address the most hairy personal or professional disagreements and replace discord with harmony.

Prime Movers Lab invests in breakthrough scientific startups founded by Prime Movers, the inventors who transform billions of lives. We invest in seed-stage companies reinventing energy, transportation, infrastructure, manufacturing, human augmentation and computing

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