Founders, Stop Lying To Yourselves
The Most Insidious Lies Founders Tell Themselves, And How To Turn Them Around.
Recently, I was impacted by a post I read in a social media feed and decided to share a version of this “truth” here for our founders. Often in coaching, an executives will come to the call ready to problem solve for a current fire in the business. Generally, it is focused on fundraising, team dynamics, communication issues, how to approach a negotiation, building out a training, a hiring plan, or a go-to-market strategy. All of these things are critical to scaling the business and a coach can maintain an outside perspective while challenging the leader to take action on the brainstormed solutions.
What the client sometimes neglects to understand is that the coach is listening for what is NOT being said out loud during that process. For instance, the values behind the decision, the real fear holding them back, or the deeper needs they’re trying to meet. What the coach often hears are the limiting beliefs, or lies, that the client is telling themself. Often, these are just “virtual villains” that, when allowed to run amok, place the client in an un-resourceful state. Our role as coaches is to challenge those beliefs, find empowering beliefs that align with the clients’ values, and meet their needs at an even higher level, thus generating a resourceful state. Below are just a few lies that I have seen commonly show up in recent months and some thoughts on how to overcome them.
Lie: When We reach ______ then I’ll feel ____________.
The founders that I have the privilege to work with carry a host of emotions that they seek to feel through their accomplishments. Hitting benchmarks should trigger a nice stack of positive emotions and the founder should feel things like a sense of pride or even relief when they push past obstacles toward making their vision a reality. It is a common pattern to assign accomplishment with permission to finally feel certain feelings. Very often though, the feelings that I see being chosen on the journey toward that goal are less resourceful emotions, such as stress, pressure, frustration, and disappointment. The irony is that by choosing to be happy or feel accomplished even if we haven’t gotten there yet is a far more resourceful emotion. A truth to combat this simple lie that we all entertain from time to time is simply to own that we can choose how we feel in any moment and that reaching a goal can also trigger emotions, but it is not the only way to access those resourceful emotions. We can generate them at any time. “When, Then” scenarios are dangerous traps, and the benchmark is often a temporary shot in the arm before we are on to solve the next problem. True happiness and accomplishment are generated from within.
Lie: When the moment is right, then I’ll do __________.
The right moment is NOW. Often waiting for the perfect moment puts a founder in “Paralysis of Analysis.” Waiting for that moment often comes with the anxiety of waiting or the moment passes us by. Instead of taking action, founders are in a holding pattern of “I hope” and “what if.” Very often this is just a procrastination pattern and a justification to hide behind taking an action or testing a thesis. One of my early coaches in life reminded me of the old saying “Leap, and the net will appear.” I’m not one to hope for the net. However, if you carry the belief that you are flexible and adaptable, taking the action moves you closer to your next set of feedback and data. From there you can adapt, pivot, and take another action from the learnings. Waiting for the perfect moment is motionless and is really just stagnation. Many founders need to go out and fundraise right now, while valuations are being adjusted down and funding is becoming a bit more challenging to acquire. So what? If you wait for conditions to be perfect or even better, you may burn through your runway and not get your funding in time. You are a START-UP founder. You are a rare breed and have a risk factor higher than most. Trust yourself and your ability to find the way.
Lie: I’ll get to that a bit later.
Welcome to the procrastinators club. Tony Robbins has been labeled the CEO whisperer and has advised business leaders and founders for decades. He often reminds his students that “what we resist will persist.” That action we are putting off may never get done if we fall into the trap of giving ourselves a pass on actions that are urgent or necessary. Classify the action — is it urgent and in need of being today's or tomorrow's top three priorities? If it is, make it the very first thing you attack. Is it not urgent but necessary? Great, then keep it on that list for today or tomorrow. If you do not need to do it personally, delegate it. And if it’s not important enough to delegate then, by all means, allow it to drop of your list. If it comes back up again at another point, that’s your hint to give it some time.
Lie: I know _____________ already. (Or)I know how to do this!
One of the most dangerous statements we can say when walking into an environment where we may learn something new is “I know this.” It closes off the mind to new learnings. When we began to see the markets shift, so many founders who had weathered 2001 and 2008 would say that they knew how to navigate this upcoming shift. DANGEROUS thinking. While the past leaves clues and valuable learnings, it’s far more productive to remind ourselves what we learned last time, and what we are curious about this time. Curiosity is the antidote that keeps our mind in a state where it’s seeking new insights. And here’s the truth in most cases: very few of us know what we are doing. Learning to embrace uncertainty is strengthening our muscles around adaptability and resiliency to problem-solve in the moment is really the muscle we want to build. Doing another rep in the “I know that already” workout program is a recipe for overworking a vanity muscle at the cost of building a well-rounded and strong mental problem-solving muscle.
Lie: My board and VC will be there to bail me out.
Newsflash — every one of your board members and your VCs are all facing the same situations, and so are the people in their networks. There have been major shifts, and the only thing that will save you is YOU. Your consistent actions and scrappiness are needed more than ever. People who you are one 100% certain would be there for you will be out so focused on their own challenges that, even with the best intentions, they just won’t show up. You will find yourself at the end of a rope, and that is when you need to learn how to rock climb. No one is there with more rope or a helicopter to pick you up. You will need to dig in and start to climb.
Lie: “They” were just more fortunate than most.
Is that true? How do you know that’s true? It is so easy to try and justify our current position by comparing UP to someone with a little more success. It’s also not fair. You’re essentially saying that circumstances generated their success so that you can use them as the vehicle to justify your failures. Maybe some circumstances did play a role, I can give you that. Honestly, that founder likely also worked hard, refined their pitch, leaned in with their team, had sleepless nights and moments of failure — and in doing so, they took in learnings and started to use all of that for their momentum. The question here is what can you model from their success. What can you learn from them that can help you take a quantum leap forward as well?
Lie: I just don’t have the _________ to execute on that.
Don’t have what? The time, resources, knowledge? This language is the language of absolute defeat and likely wasn’t a voice you entertained when starting your company. Henry Ford famously stated, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t — you’re right.” He created a very disruptive approach to automobile manufacturing that changed the world as we know it and built one of the most recognizable brands in history — all because he was willing to check his negative thinking at the door.
It may be true that you are still learning something, or need a course, or to leverage your time more efficiently. Imagine what you CAN do with some time and attention in any area. Are you the same person you were a year ago? Five years ago? NO. With a focus on building new habits, and discipline you CAN execute on just about anything.
These statements aren’t necessarily the same kind of lie that can cause us to feel disappointment or frustration. No one likes to be lied to, and I’ve yet to meet a human who purposefully lies to themself. However, these are beliefs that show up and limit your access to more resourceful states. As cheesy as it may sound, I use L.I.E. as an acronym that stands for LIMITING INTERNAL EXPRESSION. We express these things internally as if they were truths — and when we believe something is true, we tend to fight to make that truth hold even when it’s not serving us. A few years ago, I wrote about how to use Imposter Syndrome to your advantage. It too is often just a lie. You started this business to see if you could become the person to make it happen. Of course you’re not there yet, but you’re closer than you were yesterday. It doesn't mean you stop growing. Just be sure you stop listening to self-doubt.
On this topic I offer this coaching: be sure you are sharing your intense internal conversations with someone you trust — be it a mentor, therapist, co-founder, friend, spouse, or coach. In times of uncertainty, making sure you are standing guard at the gates of your mind is critical.
Prime Movers Lab invests in breakthrough scientific startups founded by Prime Movers, the inventors who transform billions of lives. We invest in companies reinventing energy, transportation, infrastructure, manufacturing, human augmentation, and agriculture.
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