Coming Into Focus
By Liz Rattan, KIMEP University, Kazakhstan 2014–15
I haven’t blogged in three weeks because we have been busy. I thought about writing “insanely busy” but that kind of hyperbole doesn’t seem descriptive or quite accurate. Yes, I am busy; yes, a lot has transpired; yes, sometimes it feels harried. But that’s not the truth of the matter exactly- it’s more like, committing to crafting a blog post takes energy that has been spent elsewhere.
Let’s start with school. We’ve had three weeks of classes thus far. I teach two classes, one meets three times a week for about an hour each, and one meets twice a week for an hour and fifteen minutes per session. Throw in my mandatory office and tutoring hours-an additional 6 hours a week-plus my own Beginning Russian class, so my days are full. This semester, I teach Academic Listening and Note Taking, and Academic Reading and Writing I. The first week of classes, the add/drop period, I felt distinctly underwhelmed by my students, especially the seemingly poor class participation, undone homework assignments, and inability/unwillingness to speak in English. By the end of my second week, I felt overwhelmed by my students, for the above mentioned reasons. My concerns carry over to the present. Some of my students seem unable to string together a full sentence / complete thought in English. Ack! Supposedly, for admittance, students need to have a basic level of English competency. But… either silence, negligence, or inability leads me to believe that some can barely understand and speak English at all. It is very nervewracking. I speak in English the entire time when I teach, of course, as does every other teacher at KIMEP, even those whose native language is Russian. I have a couple of shining stars, however. In particular, one gal from Uzbekistan whose English is excellent, and who comes to my tutoring hours regularly to ply me with questions about English vocabulary, idioms, concepts, etc. She is great. I have another student whose English comprehension is excellent, and he is very bright, but his extremely thick accent impedes full comprehension. He’s very sweet though and I am very grateful that he sets the standard for class participation to his peers.
We do have fun in class, though. For instance, I assigned Ta-Nehisi Coate’s article, “The Case for Reparations” to AWRI for homework, to be read in sections, and I was moved and inspired by my students’ responses. Some said that black Americans’ struggle makes them feel simultaneously sad, inspired, and grateful. It’s a difficult reading, to be sure, and most seem to be handling it with aplomb. The article is particularly useful to help inspire them as they write their own “Problem / Solution” essays, because in a sense it can be viewed as a very large, well-researched “Problem / Solution” essay. In class, we discuss mysterious vocabulary words from the reading, Civil Rights, and violence. I played them J.B. Lenoir’s “Alabama Blues”, and afterwards, a few said they felt teary. My goal is to incorporate reading strategies that relate to their own impending essays, as well as to inspire them to want to learn English, by using culturally interesting medium. Would any young beginning writer and speaker of a foreign language be interested in reading the great philosophical works of the target language? Probably not. And even the classic novels? Likely also negative. So at the moment, I incorporate topics that, while challenging, may interest them, expand their critical-thinking skills, vocabulary, and awareness of writing strategies, and inspire them to want to increase their English capabilities. I have to say, though, that my one class was NOT AT ALL interested in watching CITIZENFOUR. Their pre-thinking strategies revealed their limited awareness of Civil Liberties, the extent of surveillance culture, and very elementary concepts of the scope of the media and governmental power structures, both in the USA and Kazakhstan. But I tried, at least.
When I am not teaching or tutoring students, I spend many hours prepping for classes. Robin, my roommate and colleague, is actually even more intensive, and will prep for classes late into the night. However, when we first moved here, we planned to run together, and have adhered to our exercise goals since our initial ‘pact.’ In fact, I set a goal to run 50 miles in a month, and tomorrow is the deadline. I plan on running tonight, and if I run at least 3.7 miles or more, I will have achieved my goal! It’s great for us to take a break in the early evening for a jog.
Typically, we run between 3.5–5.5 miles a pop. It’s an excellent way to explore the city, relax, and challenge ourselves. We each run for unique reasons. I’ve never really been coordinated or athletic, and honestly don’t understand much about sports in general. My parents never bothered to put me in sports as a kid, and in gym class, I could be found making daisy chains in the outfield, after being the last one picked on a team. Running is fucking hard, but that’s exactly why I do it. I have to meet my physical vulnerabilities, embrace them, make peace with them, and challenge them. I have to befriend my body. Ours is a world dictated by screens, data, books- in short, esoteric knowledge, and it’s too easy now to neglect the fabulous machinery that makes all of this data-processing possible. And it’s too easy to get caught up in our own thoughts, to let them dominate our universe, to disconnect from our knees and our toes and our shoulders and our breath. What is the self? Running reminds me that the self is impermanent, subservient to time, to the body, to chemical processes and aging and the environment. To move forward, I have to embrace my physical discomfort, which is something that I spend the majority of my existence avoiding. But avoiding discomfort leads to stagnation, physically and intellectually and emotionally. Running is ego-less; my ego would NOT want to be seen in spandex, with all of my least-cute body parts covered in sweat and exposed to strange witnesses. When I run, I have to face the utter vulnerability my body. I alternate between trance-like states and explicit muscle activation. It’s hard and therefore it’s beautiful.
Contrary to the mythic horizons of the steppe, Almaty is a crazy hilly city. So, sometimes I run at the pace of three inches per step. But we are getting stronger, better, faster; we can run for longer distances than when we started, can go harder.
Sometimes we run alongside a canal of rushing water, and staring at the rushing water fills me with peace. Water runs regardless, flows, wears down stones, remains constant all while constantly moving. Water is my spirit guide.
While running, we found a litter of puppies living behind a cement wall. I save scraps of old food and bring it to them. Yesterday, two were dead. But three are alive. Yesterday I fed them stale bread soaked in meatball drippings. I really hope the survivors don’t also die. We don’t know where mommy is. Other folks have also brought them food and water.
Strays are common here. On the KIMEP campus, a tiny stray cat has won me over. I cuddle her daily and also feed her from my own lunch. I found out she likes ice cream too :D
OK! I have so much more to write here but for now I have to grade papers. More to come.
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Originally published at kazakhstandard.wordpress.com on September 13, 2015.
