A Trans Woman Considers Her Past Suicidal Thoughts
A complicated, multi-layered topic beyond statistics
This story contains discussion of suicide. If you are an LGBTQ person in the U.S. struggling with feelings of self harm, please contact the Trevor Project youth hotline or the National Suicide Hotline. In the U.K., please reach out to The Samaritans. Canadians can click here to get help.
Near the end of my job, I eyed the passing semi-trucks during my morning commute: large, fast, incapable of stopping, and positively destructive. A yellow line was all that sat between my tiny little Hyundai and several tons of speeding metal.
“Time to walk in front of a truck.”
There was a running joke in my department, our office beside a major highway. Whenever someone dumped surprise work on us, cracks about walking into traffic followed — a stress response soaked in gallows humour.
I didn’t think much of it: jokes about unaliving oneself were bread and butter in my life. Running in groups primarily occupied by people of an LGBTQ+ or neurodivergent persuasion (including me), comedy as a coping mechanism was familiar.
In a life where low-grade frustration is expected on the best of days, depression becomes normalized. Hand in hand are jokes about suicide…
