Adult Bookstores, Lingerie, and HIV: My Trans Terror in the 1970s and 80s
This story may be too graphic for some readers. However, it is a story that has to be told.
The Baby Boomer transgender girl had nowhere to go; she could not understand her desires in the 1970s and 80s. Her desire remained secret. At the adult bookstore, in the peepshow room, she was anonymous. Her greatest worry was someone who knew her would see her go into the store
With women’s lingerie under her assigned male clothes, she was attracted to guys. She did not know why she was drawn to such a place and to men. She had fought hard to quell her desire to be female. Unless she was wearing some type of feminine attire, she had no interest in men. She thought she was a gay male. She tried to be that way, but somehow, that lifestyle did not fit her. She wanted to be the girl; she wanted someone to make love to her.
Gay men are for the most part, attracted to other gay men and not to transgender girls. Most of her encounters were experienced through what were known as, “glory holes,” an access through the booth dividers to have some type of sex. The naive trans girl was truly having anonymous sex. She knew there was some risk of a sexually transmitted disease. Nothing antibiotics could not fix. There was also a risk to her physical safety. Some men were just dangerous. Every sexual encounter had its risk. It was worse with out-of-control desires.
She was 15 when her bookstore adventures started.
The transgender girl's bookstore visits continued through adolescence and into the late 80s. She hated going there. It was dark with many strange men staring at her. Sometimes, she would get with a man. As he started to take of her clothes and discovered her feminine under clothes, he would just leave. This was a lonely life. Many times, this secret girl would contemplate suicide, and several times attempted this self-destructive act.
In the late 1970s and the 1980s, strange and rare illnesses began to express themselves within the gay male population. Men were getting strange sores, various pneumonias, and cancers. Many victims died. The cause of these illnesses was identified as HIV (Human immunodeficiency virus).
The transgender girl’s life was forever changed.
She lived in terror but could not stop some of her behaviors. She still would go to the adult bookstore. She thought she would only meet healthy men. However, this disease was not detectible in the early stages. By the later stages of HIV, AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome) attacked its victims. HIV and AIDS became the scourge of the world. There was no cure. Gay men began to die horrible deaths. There were many myths and false truths regarding transmission, progression, prevention and mortality. HIV caused enormous social and political issues. There was mass hysteria.
New laws were passed in various states.
The federal government was slow to intervene in research and searching for effective treatment. In the transgender girl’s state, undercover state police began to patrol adult bookstores. Several misdemeanors appeared in the law books. To be arrested could ruin someone’s life. Maybe that was better than acquiring HIV. It was a horrible time in history for the LGBTQ community.
The transgender girl reverted back to her male self. She struggled to control her true self and suffered mental and emotional harm. It wasn’t until 2016 and with the advent of the internet that she understood herself. She began to see herself as normal and accepted her lifelong identity. She had been an RN since 1996 and cared for many patients suffering from HIV and AIDS. Science has come a long way towards finding effective treatment and someday soon, a cure.
The transgender girl became a part of the LGBTQ community.
No longer ashamed, her mental and emotional health greatly improved. She followed the appropriate treatment prescribed to her. She had gender-affirming surgery at the age of 61
Sometimes she wishes things were different in her teen years. She accepts herself and her reality. The transgender woman is forever grateful that she did not become sick in the 70s and 80s. She grieves for those affected by the horrible plague of the LGBTQ Baby Boomers. Every day is cherished.
Patsy Starke, 4/26/2025
