How I Came Out to My Wife
Can love handle the truth?
Questions about coming out are some of the most common in trans spaces. Among them, there’s one that often stands out: trans women seeking advice on how to come out to their cisgender wives.
The advice offered is vast and varied, but it’s rarely satisfactory for those asking. Often, the person is overwhelmed with doubts that can only be resolved by taking that one crucial step — to come out.
Once upon a time, I was one of the women asking that question. I was hoping for an answer that would quiet my worries, something to cling to that would make me believe things might go the way I hoped. But no answer, no amount of well-meaning advice, could silence the doubts or drive away the fears tearing me apart.
Not until I actually did it. I came out to my wife as a transgender woman.
And today, I share my story.
If you’ve read my essay, Not One of the Boys, this story began about a year after the moment of clarity described there — that moment when I realized, somewhere deep inside, that I am a woman.
It was a year of research and soul-searching. Countless nights spent poring over scientific literature and exploring trans spaces, gathering information and clues — not unlike piecing together evidence in a…
