Democrats Need to Grow Bigger LGBTQ Balls
And remember the LBJ pig story
Grow bigger balls. That’s the bluntest way I can state my dissatisfaction with the Democrats. I’m beyond angry at their lack of action toward Republicans attacking LGBT+ communities.
Legend has it that in one of LBJ’s early congressional campaigns, he told an aide to spread the story that Johnson’s opponent fucked pigs. The aide responded “Christ, Lyndon, we can’t call the guy a pigfucker. It isn’t true.” To which LBJ supposedly replied, “Of course it ain’t true, but I want to make the son-of-a-bitch deny it.”
The first time I ever heard that was in my junior year of high school in Iowa, and I was a young Republican then. That’s when I felt my FIRST bit of respect for the Democrats. Lyndon Baines Johnson may have been a crude, loud, less-than-PC political thug, but he got the job done and few people with good sense dared cross him.
That’s a far cry from the Democrats of today.
I’ve made ABUNDANTLY clear why I’m not a Democrat or a liberal. But another reason is because while Democrats/liberals have no problem taking each other apart like a good car in a bad neighborhood during a primary, they pussy foot around with their ACTUAL opposition.
Maybe if they’d learn something from the Republicans, namely from Ronald Reagans 11’th commandment, “Thou shalt not speak ill of another Republican”, I wouldn’t think of them as a long-running joke. But back to why I don’t like the Democrats lately. The last Democrat I can remember with testicular fortitude was Rahm Emanuel, a man who wasn’t afraid to let you know he hated your fucking guts. Here was a man who knew if someone was keeping you from getting what you want, you play by Chicago rules.
Today, Republicans are attacking the LGBT+ community, licking their chops at every opportunity to throw us back into the dark ages.
We NEED Democrats to remember their roots as a party of cut throats.
What we’re getting is a bunch of spineless wimps about as useful as a broken condom at an orgy. We don’t need Press Secretary Jenn Psaki giving a Twitter-worthy blurb to some trog from Fox News or a mouth breather from OAN. Nor do we need a liberal influencer doing some ridiculous dance on TikTok. We need the Democrats to remember they’re in power, to remember that if the Republicans can wield the law like a gun, so can the Democrats.
We Americans are engaged in a culture war, one where yet AGAIN, LGBT people are being used as cannon fodder by the Republican Party. With their Don’t Say Gay laws and trans bathroom bills, the Republicans have latched on like a dog with a bone and there’s no sign of them letting go anytime soon.
They’ve taken the big hint from their Q-Anon base and WE are the ones feeling the effects on the legislative level and in our daily lives. Last week, a gay couple were verbally assaulted on Amtrak by one of these knuckle draggers who REPEATEDLY called them pedophiles and kidnappers in front of their adopted son. Considering the Mega Church extensions of the Republican Party have no problem telling their parishioners to arm up, this could’ve been worse, but …
I PROMISE YOU, THINGS WILL NOT GET BETTER ANYTIME SOON …
unless this proves to be a losing strategy. Right now, they have no reason to believe that. Queer bashing is working for Vladimir Putin and the American public is falling for it too. If the Republicans pull off a midterm win this year as they are expected to, they will take harsh rhetoric to the next logical step, even targeting same-sex marriage to win 2024.
Democrats, we need you to stop being the nice guy. Hit em in the holster, where it hurts
It was one thing 20 years ago when we didn’t have a lot to lose. Now we do. Now, we NEED you to be Jim Malone. Now, we need you to bust a couple kneecaps. Take Biden’s recent gun legislation announcement. Why ONLY go after ghost guns? Before Will Smith got slappy with it during the Oscars, Chris Rock’s most memorable moment on stage was his commentary on gun control.
Go for it!
We NEED you to do EVERYTHING conservatives fear with respect to firearms. If you can’t eliminate the second amendment, tax it until it’s easier to find a virgin in a maternity ward than a legal gun or accessory in an American store. Be the Freddy Krueger of every gun nut’s worst nightmare. Make insurance MANDATORY to own a firearm. Apply the same laws that cops have to follow when they discharge a weapon to civilians.
Temporarily take ANY AND ALL guns away after a shooting regardless of the circumstances until a THOROUGH investigation is completed. Make gun permits more like drivers licenses. Make people have to take tests at facilities like the DMV.
Then take a page out of the conservatives book with regards to abortions, and make those gun-training facilities few and far between. By the time you’re done writing legislation on guns, people should prefer getting a sword or an archery set just to avoid the hassle. Raise the age to own and operate a gun outside of the military. I don’t even care if a lot of the stuff you try to do passes.
Make Republicans SO afraid for their guns that they’ll back off hetero-supremacist legislation. If the Republicans want to toy around with bringing back the Comstock laws and the Hays code with their attacks on Disney, then democrats NEED to play around with the edges of prohibition. Only instead of alcohol, focus on guns and overall gun culture.
Tax their Mega Churches into the ground
While they’re busy trying to defend the Second Amendment, hit them even harder with a Mega Church tax. As far as I and A LOT of people are concerned, a church is just a business that peddles bronze age fairy tales, but Mega Churches are special case. Of all the millionaires and billionaires promising to get us to the heavens, none NEED to be taxed more than televangelists.
I’m not talking about the little corner church that can barely seat 100 people. Though, I do believe a lot of laws that privilege them need to go — from laws that let people to park wherever they want just because they’re going to church, to laws like those in Idaho that protect faith healing.
These smaller churches are closing anyway.
While some are trying to do something productive with the money they’re leaving behind, many of their parishioners are going to bigger congregations. What I am talking about is taxing the shit out of Mega Churches and other religious networks that are actually get-rich-quick businesses and get-out-the vote Republican machines. John Oliver points out that flaws in our tax codes allow mega churches to exist and pastors to get rich off the backs of their sheep, without contributing their fair share of taxes to society.
Democrats need to hit them hard and where it hurts, in their MASSIVE bank accounts. Look at how much money these mega churches bring in on average. Target them for legislative action if they don’t spend, say, 65% of what they take in on community service — which is supposed to be why they get tax-exempt status in the first place.
If they’re amassing fortunes instead of doing community service, tax their churches like you tax Microsoft, Amazon, or Walmart. If they aren’t taking care of the homeless or something to that effect, tax their churches. (Sorry, flying around the world to get kill-the-gays laws passed should not count as charitable work.)
If they’re buying Lear Jets because they “can’t pray on an airliner filled with demons,” tax their churches like you’d tax Elon Musk if he lied on his IRS returns.
Think I’m making the demon-jet thing up? Check this out:
If they're buying mansions so big they make Buckingham Palace look like a hovel? Living a lavish lifestyle like rappers on MTV? Tax their churches like you mean to win. Rewrite the tax code to drain their bank accounts in a way that would make Bill Maher cum in his pants.
If that’s not enough to make them holler uncle on the Rainbow War business, hold their Mega Churches to the same standard as businesses with regards to truth in advertising laws. Then ban religious conversion therapy (like most of the world, especially in Europe) and ban faith healing.
Not enough?
Throw health department codes at them. Make it damn near impossible for them to operate. None of the people that go to these churches vote for you anyway. Unless you’re going to start speaking in tongues, these people will never support you. Republicans are back on their God, guns, and attacking gays kick. Force them to pick the two that they want to protect.
Democrats, we need you to bring a gun to a knife fight for a change.
Fight dirty! Preferably, not with each other. You used to be the party of eat their food, take their money, sleep with their women, and vote against them anyway. Stop being so cautious with your opposition that you’re actually indolent. DO something besides sitting on your hands. Because if you don’t, we the LGBT community may sit on our hands this November. Politics has and ALWAYS will be a game of what have you done for me lately.
Go out there and make Lyndon Baines Johnson proud.
He was a dirty-knuckled SOB, but he changed the nation for the better with the Clean Air Act, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (!), and the creation of Medicare and Medicaid.
What are you going to do? Anything?
Collin is a natural born atheist who doesn’t believe in dogma, religious or political. He grew up in NYC, but his heart belongs in the midwest where he’s moving. Bi-ish, but mostly gay. Nerd! Dogs are the very best kind of people.
