Discovering Your Gender Identity Isn’t Always Linear

And that’s not something to be feared

Phoenix
Prism & Pen

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A hand waving a rainbow pride flag.
Photo by Ian Taylor on Unsplash

I came out as transgender back in 2015, after a year of questioning and coming to terms with my identity.

At the time, I was fourteen. I didn’t know much about nonbinary gender identities, only that they existed. My dysphoria was so bad that I assumed I was a binary transgender man, anyway.

Dysphoria’s severity doesn’t always correlate to gender identity — but I didn’t know that yet.

During the summer of 2015, a doctor prescribed me my first dose of testosterone. I started high school presenting as male and went through those years doing so. But in 2018, my dysphoria lessened, and I began to question my identity again.

It didn’t help that I was starting to see so much online debate about detransition rates.

I started to wonder if I was a butch lesbian, not transgender. Maybe I’d felt pressured to take on the transgender label too fast. This, combined with questioning my orientation for the first time in years, didn’t help things.

So I went off testosterone, then briefly went back on again, and then went back off. I took testosterone for the last time in 2018 and continued presenting as male until 2019. For the first time in years, I started…

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Phoenix
Prism & Pen

Neurodivergent and queer writer of both fiction and nonfiction. He/they. Check out my recommendations (affiliate links): https://benable.com/nebulanix