Escaping The Cage of Gender Roles

Between transition, liberation and transgenerational trauma

No I never wondered about gender transition as much as I have in recent times. The concept of subcultures is foreign in my native Italy, however, over a year ago, my expanding consciousness compelled me to explore new horizons and reflect deeply on my identity.

Who am I?

What's wrong with my body?

Am I born in the wrong body? Or have society's conforming norms instilled within me a rejection of my own body?

These questions led me to understand the profound impact of being raised between a patriarchal culture and a subculture on my life and identity. I want to highlight that with the term ‘subculture’, I don’t refer to a specific recognized culture. However, I refer to the collective who has lost trust in the institutions and services (e.g., lack of trust in health services leading to the use of street drugs as medical treatments for mental illness and neurological diversities, lack of trust in social services leading to increase domestic violence and transgenerational trauma) leading to their inability to break the cycle of transgenerational trauma.

My exploration of cultures revealed both the potential for liberation and the risk of falling into new traps. It all depends on the horizons our consciousness can reach.

I was the child in the 90s who defied the role expectations assigned to girls. Outdoor, competitive, and dynamic activities, challenging behavior, and loudness were intrinsic parts of me, for which I was often punished. Society’s rigid expectations labeled me as special while being a child, a label that transformed into being seen as a problematic teenager in need of correction as I grew older.

Carol Gilligan's work on moral development and gender differences helped me understand how societal expectations shape our identities from a young age. My experiences as a child reflect the conflict between my authentic self and the norms imposed upon me.

At the same time, the concept of cultural trauma, as discussed by theorists like Kai Erikson and Jeffrey C. Alexander helped me frame my personal experiences within a broader societal context. Cultural trauma refers to the collective emotional and psychological injury inflicted on a group of people, which in turn affects individual identities. My struggles as a child and teenager were not just personal battles but part of a larger cultural trauma inflicted by rigid societal expectations.

As a teenager, I ran away from home at 16 to unconsciously protect my authenticity, unable to save my mother when she escaped the patriarchal culture only to fall into the trap of a subculture. Leaving a toxic context was also a way to break free from the cycle of transgenerational trauma that had been passed down through my family.

Between addiction and disorders, getting lost, transition, liberation, backpacking, reborn, returning to education and linking experiences to awareness, I finally discovered a truth that led to my liberation. Real liberation—not through medical transition but by breaking free from the cage built within me by cultural oppression.

Nothing is wrong with my body. Being raised between a patriarchal culture and a subculture prevented my authentic growth.

Transitioning from a disadvantaged to a privileged context and starting to medically transition wasn’t enough to transition from oppression to liberation.

Living in Switzerland and working as a chef exposed me to a toxic environment where masculinity was defined through manhood dominance. Jokes targeting women and migrants were the norm. My struggle with addiction was the result of trying to fit into this narrow definition of masculinity. Judith Butler’s concept of gender performativity resonates with this period of my life, where my identity was distorted by societal expectations of what it meant to be a man.

Six years as a chef in Switzerland were the only time I used a packer in my pants. Displaying that shape down my belly gave me a false sense of safety and belonging. Today, packers no longer fit into my pants, reflecting my growing awareness that the link between gender and sex no longer defines my identity.

Elaine Showalter’s studies on the role of women in literature and society highlight how societal norms shape our identities. This understanding additionally helped me realize how external expectations distorted my sense of self.

Subcultures are everywhere, a realization I came to as a trans man travelling in several countries while navigating different cultures and traditions in search of a safe home. The lack of education and self-awareness creates subcultures that both privileged and unprivileged people navigate, ultimately preventing freedom of expression (cognitive diversity), safety and growth.

The work of Erik Erikson on identity crisis and Bessel van der Kolk on trauma also provides insight into how deeply cultural trauma affects our development. Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development underscores the importance of resolving identity crises at various stages of life, while van der Kolk’s research on how trauma is stored in the body elucidates the physical manifestations of cultural trauma.

Reclaiming my narrative has been a transformative process, challenging the languages and cultures that sought to define and limit me.

My journey through cultures and subcultures, battling oppression, and finding freedom is a testament to the power of self-awareness and the importance of challenging societal norms through education. It is through this journey that I have found true liberation—an authentic expression of myself beyond the confines of any culture or subculture.