Expanding Societal Norms: Parenting the Next Gen with Pride
Embracing Differences, Fostering Love: Creating Safe Havens for Our Children
I recently stumbled upon a statistic that gave me pause. Are you aware that there’s a 20% chance that your child, niece, or grandchild may identify outside the cis-heteronormative binary?
Wait, what does it mean to be in the cis-heteronormative binary?
Being in the cis-heteronormative binary means fitting neatly into society’s traditional boxes of gender and sexuality. It’s like this: you’re expected to identify as either male or female based on the sex you were assigned at birth (cisgender) and be attracted to the opposite gender (heterosexual).
Twenty percent of Generation Z self-identify as outside the cis-heteronormative binary, a percentage that researchers agree will continue to grow with future generations. — by Allison Kimble-Cusano, EdD, ICS Research Specialist
We must take this seriously and ensure we create a sufficiently inclusive environment for our children to grow up in. Any of our kids or their friends could be among the 20% of individuals who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. The consequences of them feeling rejected by us are significant and far-reaching.
2SLGBTQ+ (Two Spirited, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, and more) young people who feel rejected by their parents and caregivers were:
• More than 8 times as likely to have attempted suicide;
• Nearly 6 times as likely to report high levels of depression;
• More than 3 times as likely to use illegal drugs; and
• More than 3 times as likely to be at high risk for HIV and STD
For me, ensuring that my child and the kids in my life always feel supported, no matter how they identify, is a top priority. But it’s important to understand that even small actions can significantly impact how kids perceive acceptance. For example, using only heteronormative language when talking about their future partners might unintentionally suggest that only relationships with the opposite gender are acceptable.
Words carry a lot of weight and can shape our children’s sense of belonging and self-esteem.
Here’s a simple approach to expanding societal boundaries that my family has implemented for the past 15 years — one that, I hope, has reinforced the notion that our children are loved unconditionally, irrespective of their identity.
In our family, which includes my Boomer parents, we’ve purposefully avoided imposing gender expectations on my daughter, niece, and nephews regarding their future relationships. We’ve chosen to use language that embraces all genders or opt for gender-neutral terms in our conversations. For instance, even when my daughter was just 4 or 5, we’d say things like,
“If you fall in love one day, whether it’s with a boy or a girl, we hope they will make you very happy.”
This approach emphasizes our unconditional love and acceptance, showing that it’s perfectly okay to love people of any gender. Just because we’re heterosexual doesn’t mean they have to be, and that’s perfectly fine by us. This inclusive approach reinforces our support for them, regardless of who they love or how they identify.
How to Normalize Diverse Gender and Sexual Identity for All Kids
Here are some practical tips, rooted in research, for parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents to initiate conversations about future partners without emphasizing gender:
Avoid Making Assumptions
- Don’t assume your child will be attracted to a particular gender when discussing future relationships or partners. Use gender-neutral language like “partner” instead of “boyfriend/girlfriend.”
- If your child talks about marriage or having kids someday, avoid defaulting to heteronormative scenarios like “when you marry a man/woman.”
Normalize Gender Diversity
- Point out different types of families (same-gender parents, single parents, etc.) that you see in media, books, or your community. Discuss them in a positive, matter-of-fact way.
- If appropriate, share stories from LGBTQ+ families you know with your child.
- Invite your kids to meet friends who identify as 2SLGBTQ+ warmly and inclusively. Show them these friends are like anyone else, fostering understanding and acceptance.
Act Gender Curious
- Occasionally ask your child open-ended questions like “Do you feel more like a boy, girl, or something else?” or “Do you know anyone who uses ‘they’ pronouns?”
- This normalizes conversations about gender identity and expression from a young age.
Use Gender-Neutral Language
- Refer to other people with gender-neutral pronouns like “they/them” unless you know their preferences.
- Model using “they” when discussing hypothetical future partners for your child.
The key is to have these conversations naturally and in a way that’s appropriate for their age without making a big deal out of gender or sexuality. The goal is to avoid making assumptions based on what’s considered normal and to keep the lines of communication open about your child’s future.
I hope this article offers parents valuable insights into fostering more inclusive interactions with their children. Moreover, I’m continually eager to learn from others’ experiences. If you have any tips or personal stories about fostering inclusivity, I would be grateful to hear them.
Let’s continue the conversation and learn from each other’s journeys toward creating a more inclusive world.
