A Lesbian’s Struggle with Faith
God vs. Man vs. Me
I go from dreaming about a kissing a girl to actually kissing a girl. Unconscious thoughts to conscious action. Exercising my “free will” to sin as God’s creation. And that can only mean one thing for this Catholic raised girl. Hell. Eternal damnation. A one-way ticket to the fiery pit of Dante’s inferno. Do not stop by Heaven’s gates. Do not collect angel wings. Upon death, go immediately to hell. Eternal separation from God.
Confessions of THIS Catholic School Girl
I stare at the confessional booth in St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Fishkill, New York. How many Hail Marys’ and Our Fathers’ will be part of the penance package delivered to me in my church’s confessional booth for sharing my sexual sins? Kissing my girlfriend feels so good that it must be bad. Really bad. Right? In that case, a lot of penance is coming my way. Maybe even an entire Rosary.
But who has that much time to spend on their knees in prayer? I feel guilty about what I’ve done. The church does a good job of getting that Pavlovian response out of me, but I’m not sorry for what I’ve done. So, if I’m not sorry then my penance will be wasted. And if I am not sorry and repentant than this whole concept of confession, penance and forgiveness won’t help me.
