I Do Not Grieve My Father’s Death — I Grieve His Life
I do not grieve my father’s death.
I grieve the inevitability of death.
•finality of death.
•mystery of death.
•awareness of my own death.
I grieve the questions I didn’t have a chance to ask.
•things I felt I couldn’t ask.
•hearing his answers
•sharing the stories.
I grieve the missed potential of a father/son relationship.
•man to man relationship.
•understanding his life.
•sharing mine.
I grieve having locked him out of the bathroom at puberty.
•being unable to talk.
•not spending time together.
•not enjoying each other.
I grieve the sadness of his life.
•misery of self inflicted pain, fear, and worry.
•inability to communicate.
•lack of social skills.
I grieve the effect his behavior had on people.
•my mother as she raged.
•my sister as she cried.
•me as a child when I wished him dead and then felt guilty for having wished.
I grieve the pain, misery, and fear of his final days.
•letting go of life is never easy.
•the fear of death is great especially when the fear of life has been great.
•but let go he did.
I do not grieve my father’s death. I grieve his life.
He can now rest in peace. I can now rest in peace.
Erroneous expectations were not met. I couldn’t. He couldn’t.
But I can forgive him. And he has forgiven me.
I do not grieve my father’s death. I grieve my father’s life.
I celebrate his death. I love him … he loves me.
