I Haven’t Dated (or Slept With) Anyone Since Realizing I’m Pansexual
And maybe I never will.
For most of my life, I thought I was straight. It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realized I wasn’t “jealous” of beautiful women and that I am demisexual and pansexual. And as much as I want to experience having sex with somebody other than a cis man, I’m not sure I ever will.
There are 4 main reasons for this: Covid, autism, demisexuality, and low self-esteem.
Covid
I know most of the world thinks the threat from Covid is overblown or in the past, but I don’t have the luxury of thinking like that. I know too much; but more than that, I have several risk factors that mean that a Covid infection could make me very sick and potentially even kill me.
But the initial Covid infection isn’t really what worries me.
I’m already disabled by ADHD, autism, and arthritis and just barely manage to support myself, with only the thinnest, frailest of safety nets underneath me. Long Covid could ruin my life to the point where I might not consider it worth living anymore. (I don’t want to imply that anybody who has Long Covid must want to die, but if I could no longer support myself, it’s hard to imagine my frail safety net providing me with a life I would want to live.)
