I want to start to come out to people…the only problem? No one believes I am transitioning.
I have a rather unique problem…well I guess it’s not so much a problem as a conundrum. Whenever I tell people that I am transitioning, they either don’t believe me or they think it’s a joke? Well, what’s a girl to do?
As some of you ladies out there who have crossed over from the blah-zay team (male) to the I must say the winning team (female), many of you I would imagine were very masculine at one point. Nay many of you were manly men. The prototypical big guy maybe even the protector of someone you loved and care about and most likely still are.
The sports loving, gym going, drinking beers, eating chicken wings and as I am ashamed to admit it, the catcalling “one of the guys”. The locker room talk which boils down to one thing, the pursuit and chase of women. We’ve all heard it having been in the guys room, or even out at the bar when you’re among your pack of immature guys who can only think of one thing, sex.
For me, I too have always been considered a guy’s guy. I love sports, follow and watch all sports as well as played all kinds of sports my entire life (and might add pretty decent at just about everything, not great at one thing, but all around good). I know the stats, figures and of course I do fantasy football / baseball / hockey and basketball…what manly man doesn’t right?
I’ve also been considered the party guy. The life of the party guy. The guy who used to bring his beerpong table to every hotel room for every event with a 30 pack of cold manly brews with an assortment of liquor and mixers. Also, what party guy would not be complete without his funnel and later on I found invention of the bierstick (if you don’t know what one is, imagine a plunger but for beer and shoots beer down your throat in a matter of 1–2 seconds…feel free and google it to get a better idea of what I am talking about, lol).
Then there’s the gym guy all throughout college and post-college for years. Gotta get swole, gotta pump some iron. Me sending snapchats picking up the 100lbs barbells snapping out to my bro’s “Light work!” Benching 225 lb and curling over 100lbs. Let’s not forget the creatine and protein shakes bro. A guy isn’t a guy unless he checks in the gym on Facebook and does a selfie later with his shirt off in the mirror. Btw bro, no one cares about your shirtless selfie…not that I ever had the physique for it but I am guilty of a few selfies showing off my “guns”…I mean I’m not a man unless I peacock out right?
Then there is the “Yeah I can 40 chicken wings in one setting” or “yeah I can put down a 48 oz steak no problem”…the gorging guy. Yup that was me as well. Never good enough for eating contests, but could put down some food back in my heyday.
So that begs the ultimate question, how can the sports loving, gym going, drinking beers, eating chicken wings, party guy that everyone has known all their life be telling the truth? How can this guy, a guy that everyone has known for 40 years without an inkling of showing that he is LGBTQ be transgender?
The answer is simple, I didn’t know I was transgender myself so if I didn’t know how could you? Add in some therapy to talk about my past starting at puberty and never stopping using my coping mechanism and not realizing it was a coping mechanism for gender dysphoria for 20 years (masturbation to tg fiction, fyi) to now finally doing something about it. I have felt a shift in myself. Everything is starting feel familiar…more than just familar but feels like home if that makes sense.
Of the I want to say 15 people that I am out to, I believe only one person believed me without hesitation (not a suprise it was a family member who has known me the longest). So now that has me questioning when and how should I come out to people? I know everyone says “You’ll just know the right time” and I am starting to understand that more and more.
But I can’t shake one story I read from a post on Susan’s Place. Someone was just going about their life as an every day man all the while on HRT and transitioning to become a woman for I want to say about six (6) months when people at work started to notice changes. Mainly breast growth but the hair lengthing, loss of weight and generally how someone acts along with their demeanor. One of the coworkers asked what was going on, if he had any health issues going on. So the trans woman ultimately decided it be best to be honest with everyone so she met with her small office of co-workers of about 15–20 people on a Friday and told them that she had been transitioning for six (6) months on HRT and planned to continue on being a woman. Fortunately I believe her workplace was pro-LGBTQ and in a “favorable” state from what I recall. But her story ended with “And then on Monday I came in with makeup on, a dress and 3 inch heels and no one seemed to care.”
Some day in the future, I wish that were the case for everyone everywhere. Where transitioning to whomever you need to be will not be a big deal. It will be as normal as if someone went in for say a tummy tuck surgery on Friday and came back Monday looking skinny and 10lbs lighter around the waist. What’s the difference between the two?
I know I know, one is more socially acceptable than the other but that doesn’t make it right. For me, that one story inspired me to go the same route. If people won’t believe me or think it’s a joke…well honey the joke is on you because wait till you see me blossom into the beautiful woman that I am becoming.
Seeing is believing is the old adage right? And honestly I am in no rush to tell the world that I am transitioning so for now, I think a slow measured approach works for me in world of doubting Thomas’.
One thing I forgot to mention with the above mentioned story. The woman said one key thing “If someone asks what is going on, I will be straight up and honest with them and tell them that I am transitioning.” I thought that was very striking and to be honest a great plan. If no one notices (or in my case believes you when you tell them), then just keep on living your life. Even though the gender dyshphoria continues to mount each day, just knowing that I am on HRT makes me one step closer to coming out and ultimately getting this proverbial monkey off my back to tell everyone.
So that’s the game plan for now folks…but I eagerly await the day until someone does ask me “Is everything ok?” because then I’ll know I’ll have made it. I will be validated in my HRT, my workout / diet and then all that’s left to do is be myself.
