I Wish Being Gay Weren’t the Biggest Part of My Life But I Have No Choice

I’m ‘gay first’ no matter what I’d prefer

Image licensed from Adobe Stock

Stop with the Identity Politics. Stop playing the victim. Stop pushing your issues into our faces. Why you gotta be so gay all the time?

Recognize any of that contradictory sentiment? If you’re a member of any marginalized minority, you’ve probably heard analogous statements and had to either swallow frustration or attempt conversation. As a gay man, I have to make that choice a lot. Even well meaning friends and family can fail to understand why my LGBTQ identity matters so much.

Can I say something confusing and then try to clear it up with stories?

My gay identity does NOT matter much to me, not deep inside. Falling in love with other guys brings me deep joy and happiness. I cannot imagine a different way of being, so I don’t worry about it. I don’t feel different or strange where it counts, but all my life others have forced strangeness on me.

Can we have some conversation now?

Sitting in a pew as a child

I was nearly 12, happy in church, squished between Dad and Mom as she idly stroked my stubborn cowlick. I was sort of listening to the pastor and sort of dreaming of my…