My Sexuality Hid From Me: Fatphobia and Compulsory Heterosexuality …
… hid the fact that I’m pansexual rather than straight
I grew up in an accepting family. I have a lesbian aunt on one side, and my uncles on the other side have been together since I was a child. My freshman year of high school, my friend came out to me as bisexual, and I joined her in our school’s gay/straight alliance club.
And yet, despite all that, I believed I was straight until I was in my late 30s.
Without fear keeping me in the closet, how could it possibly have taken me so long to realize that I’m actually pansexual (attracted to people regardless of their gender)? Internalized fatphobia and comphet (compulsory heterosexuality) hid my true feelings for people other than men.
In short, it was easier to believe I was straight than it was to dig under multiple layers to find the hidden truth underneath it all: I’m attracted to people’s personalities, and I don’t care what body parts or “looks” are attached to that personality.
Comphet
Even though my family was accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, society as a whole in the 80s and 90s was much less welcoming to anybody who was perceived to be “different.” I knew I was interested in boys, so it was easy enough…
