My Trans Roommate on Why: LGBTQ+ People Are Not Going Back

I met Cole earlier this year in August during the annual mad dash to find a roommate in Boston. Once again, I scrambled to find someone I clicked with — someone who would help maintain a tidy home and honor a sacred queer space.

We connected through a queer housing group on Facebook (shoutout to Queer Housing Boston!) and have been living together ever since. It took some convincing to get Cole to move in — mainly because I was one of those people who waited until the last minute to start my roommate search and needed to fill the room quickly. During our conversations, Cole made it clear how important it was for him to live in a truly queer-friendly space — one that would honor his needs as a trans person seeking a safe and affirming home. While I have several trans friends, I had never lived with a trans roommate before, and I caught myself in my unawareness as I worked to assure Cole that his needs for this space would be respected. His needs are also quite different from mine as a gay man, and living with Cole has taught me a lot.

One of my favorite things about Cole is the color he’s brought into our home with his art and plants. I love having a roommate who shares my eye for vibrant décor and has just as much of a green thumb. He’s also the one who’s always on top of emptying the dishwasher — even though I’m usually the one filling it up.

Cole, and many other trans folks I’ve met, are deeply concerned about what another Donald Trump presidency could mean for the rights we’ve fought so hard to secure. When I asked him about his fears, he shared his gravest concerns with me:

There are a few major fears I have headed into the next administration regarding my experience as a trans man — losing access to hormones, and social backlash being the most prevalent. I’ve started to stock up on hormone supplies, and am making plans to take care of my mental health should I lose access. The thought of losing access to a medication indefinitely is terrifying, especially one that allows me to live as I am. The anxiety of watching my body and mind start to deplete the progress I’ve made to live as my true self only increases when I think about the possibility of being outed in environments I’ve passed in for so long due to a potential lack of HRT.

In addition to fears about losing access to medication, Cole is deeply concerned about social backlash. He believes that the countless attack ads, media demonization, and Republican promises to restrict access to gender-affirming care are sure to create turmoil for trans folks:

I also worry about social response regarding the existence of trans folks. Watching the election and seeing how many people did not find the ‘Kamala is for they/them, Trump is for you’ ads a deal breaker — it reminds me of how unsafe I actually am in most parts of this country. I worry that folks will start to show their true colors and violence will be more common towards all members of the LGBTQ community, as well as violence against folks outside of the community whose appearance doesn’t adhere to traditional views of gender. I can’t imagine living in a time where we’ve been able to watch our community gain rights, just to lose them 10 years later. [The election] leaves me feeling defeated about the future and my place in it.

Despite these fears about the state of trans rights in this country, Cole holds onto hope that our queer spaces can foster the life-saving discourse needed to move forward:

I think that other queer folks, when given the opportunity, can help speak up for trans folks, and maybe some of that is saying it out loud. Seeing flyers for events with ‘trans and non-binary folks welcome’, or seeing trans flags flying throughout the neighborhood has made me feel safer and more included, even within our community. Right now especially, we need the confirmation and affirmation that we are wanted. Other queer folks, and non-queer folks, stepping up and stepping in to have those difficult conversations on our behalf, to challenge thoughts of trans exclusivity, is something I think all people can provide right now. And just being a friend if needed. A lot of us are anxious and fearful right now, the world and country are burning up in front of our eyes and we’re all just trying to make it through the day, even a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear goes a long way.

I’m grateful to have Cole as my roommate and for his willingness to share his experiences as a trans man, along with his fears about the upcoming administration. He’s taught me so much, and I hope our home continues to fill with more art and adopt even more plants.

Cole, if you’re reading this, I promise to empty the dishwasher the next time it runs.