One Man’s Gay Life Passages: A Poem
The moment passes
I walk down the street intimately and painfully aware of what is going on around me. Tree leaves die, pavement wears out, stop signs rust.
As quickly as I notice something changing, it changes. As soon as I am aware of being in the moment, the moment passes.
I am living in the next moment, no the next moment, oops, there it goes again. As quickly as I notice a new moment, it is changed.
Who am I in relation to the tree, the street, the sign? Also impermanent. I am here, I will be gone. But what will I be in-between?
I have been marking the decades that seem to fly faster, 40–50–60 — and now 70. Each decade gives me a realization, neatly packaged into a sound bite.
At 40 I realized that intersections passed could no longer be taken. Forward, yes. New decisions, yes. Going back to revisit the old, no.
At 50 the realization is that there is a beginning, a middle, and end just like a well written story. Hopefully my story will be remembered as a good one.
At 60 it struck me that there is a “here” and a “here-after.” When young, one does not think about, let alone believe, in mortality.
Hopefully mine will be a well lived life with a meaningful beginning, a productive middle, and a peaceful end.
When in middle age, one still thinks he will live forever. As I get older, I see that while life is linear, I am closer to the here-after!
Recently impermanence has begun to seep in as a reality, not just a Buddhist concept. At 70, perhaps that is my message for the decade.
Nothing lasts, let alone forever. Nothing stays the same. Everything is always moving. Everything is always changing including life. Including me!
Life is linear with a beginning, a middle, and an end. While I am still here I plan on being here to my fullest.
I want to live well and die well. I am closer to the here-after and sooner rather than later, I will have been.
