Stop Saying I Was Pretty
Praising a trans person’s past appearance is not the compliment you think it is
Someone I recently met saw some photos of me before I transitioned. I don’t hide them, so that wasn’t an issue. However, when she began gushing about how pretty she thought I was in those photos, it made me uncomfortable. At first, I responded with an awkward, um, thanks, but then she kept going. I had to ask her to please stop twice before she realized I did not appreciate the praise.
Backhanded Compliments
I know most people mean well and may not realize how praising a trans person’s past appearance may come across. However, there are plenty of people who purposely make backhanded compliments to us all the time. It’s not always easy to tell the well-meaning ones from those who want to hurt us.
Whether it’s meant as an honest compliment, what people don’t understand is how much of a complicated relationship trans people have with their past. By telling us we looked so good as our past selves, it invalidates how we look now. It also makes it sound like you preferred how we looked before our transition.
In some ways, it sounds like you think the only reason we transitioned was because we thought we looked ugly. It isn’t reassuring to know that you think…
