The Lesbian Stereotypes We Keep
Why are older lesbians so hell-bent on choosing a side?
At almost fifty, I’m an older lesbian.
I’ve passed through many transformations during my life, mainly due to the stereotypes my generation is so avidly attached to.
When I first came out at the tender age of twenty-one, there were basically two models: butch and femme, with a gray area of androgynous somewhere in-between — this group leaned towards the butch side. As I had never been a very feminine child, I morphed into the butch-leaning androgynous stereotype and with that, my journey began.
I found myself in relationships with women who liked the “baby butch” look, graduating to “soft butch” as I got a little older. I never felt comfortable in that role and took the opportunity to grow my hair shortly after one of these relationships ended. I’d had short cropped hair from the age of twenty-one and was now thirty-six. Although it seems such a simple thing to me now, it was a big step for me back then.
As my hair grew, so did my confidence in allowing myself to be who I wanted to be. I bought a few slightly more feminine shirts, experimented with colour, and traded in my comfortable shoes for some strappy sandals — not too “girlie” though, as I still had to inch my way towards femme.
