The More I Think About Attraction, the More of a Spectrum it Appears
Unpicking it is a fascinating insight into queer experiences
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Late last year, I was on Holly Paige’s podcast More Than Sex to talk about demisexuality (a type of asexuality where we experience sexual attraction under the condition of a pre-existing bond, typically romantic attachment or friendship). At that point, I’d been out for about a year and was still in the process of working things out.
I am still working things out, but as each day passes, I am more secure and certain of being demisexual. The days of self-doubt have largely gone thanks to processing so much of my past and being mindful of my thoughts and feelings of attraction in the present.
One of the questions Holly asked was: “Have you ever been attracted to a man?” Holly wondered if my demisexuality was gender blind. Essentially, if a man pushed my buttons in the same way women push my buttons, could it trigger romantic and sexual attraction in me?
It was a fair question.
Nobody had asked me anything like that since I came out as demisexual, and I hadn’t given it much thought myself. My frank answer was that it had never…
