Transgender Bitches

Only love can combat hate.

Mean girls. You have seen them. You’ve met them. I know you have. Please don’t deny it. Let’s not pretend that they don’t exist. We all saw them in high school. They might not have pushed you into a locker or knocked over your books, but they did laugh when it happened.

I had always thought there was a lot of acceptance across the trans community. You know, we are all one big transgender family. But, I seem to have found a sub-culture of bitches.

In this family, we like to think that we ascribe to an ideal of inclusion. As of late, the transgender community gets blamed and accused of many things.

We are thought to be at the heart of “Cancel Culture.” We can silence comics from reaping million-dollar paydays on your favorite streaming service. We can shut the mouths of influential authors with the wave of a wand and have it said we are threatening their lives. And it’s not just one author; many well known figures have complained about cancel culture. Apparently, our powerful reach extends everywhere.

We are called rapists who force ourselves on lesbians. We are accused of erasing a whole generation of lesbians with our powers. Transgender women are accused of so very much. Yet, we have no voice and no platform to answer these charges against those we have ‘canceled.’

Last week a cisgender woman opined on Medium regarding the right for Trans women to pee in public restrooms. Who has the right to use the women’s bathrooms? It is as much about cancel culture and defending Jo Rowling as it is a phobic take on trans women. The article talks about ensuring women are safe from some men. I quote: “Predators …have dressed up as women to gain access to single-sex areas.” As proof, the author links to a document by the Family Research Council. The FRC is a hate group. This is propaganda. Repeating these accusations has one effect: ensuring trans women will not be safe. It equates trans women to predators.

In response, a post-op transgender woman who calls herself a real trans woman throws the rest of the community under the bus. She called for the re-establishment of the gatekeeping by the medical community that was used in the 1970s through the 2000s to block all but the most determined from transition. She sees it as beneficial for sorting out the real trans women. Additionally, to ensure the safety of women and real trans women, I would need certification by mental health professionals.

To use a public restroom.

Last week, I published a piece called “Trans reality: this will piss you off.” I did not expect everyone would love it. I wrote it from a place of acceptance. I wrote it from a place of tolerance and understanding. I put a link in the New Hampshire trans support Facebook group in search of a wider audience.

A trans woman had a several hundred-word complaint about my article. She refuted the language and my conclusions. She fully transitioned ten years ago and calls herself female. She used trans-medical rhetoric to claim those trans women without surgical intervention are fake. By creating an artificial binary with knowledgeable and true trans women, you create a sub-class of ignorant and false trans women. The essence of her rhetoric: she is a real trans woman. Even if she does not accept those labels.

The discussion under my article quickly devolved when another post-op trans woman who also identifies as female jumped in:

“IMO a person cannot identify as trans. Being trans is a medical condition, not an identity”

“I’m saying you’re either male, female, or other, and every subcategory of other created by confused people is entirely subjective and reflects poorly on the rest of us who are not confused at all”

I am queer as heck, and I am not confused.

I’ve known that there is bias in the youngest segments of the trans community. There are ageist Reddit boards with individuals who insist on an absolute cut-off of twenty-five for those considering transition. The internet is rife with thirty-something trans women who think they are too old to transition.

But this bias by older transgender women is new. I recognize that we only recently have given voice to those who would have disappeared out into the world after surgical transition. Everyone in the transgender community has had their struggles. We have passed through so much to get to this place. But please, I beg of you, I am not any less valid than you. Stop the divisive language.

Stop the judgment.

You choose your own labels. I choose my labels. Don’t be offended by my labels. They are mine and mine alone. My experience is not more and not any less valid than yours. How we see ourselves, how we relate to our community changes over time. But we have so much in common.

Let’s be clear about this:

We are in an ongoing struggle for our civil rights. No matter where you fall in the LGBTQ+ spectrum, we all are part of that rainbow flag. We have a common cause. We all have struggled all of our lives to come to this place of acceptance and joy. You are my family. We share so much. The struggle did not end with Obergefell v. Hodges. The struggle for safety, recognition, for equal opportunity under the law, continues. The transgender community is depicted as the monster in the closet. Bathroom bills, sports bills, age limits for trans youth are in legislatures across the country. We need your support. I need your support. Every voice matters. Your voice matters. Everyone who stands up and says “that’s my flag” breaks down that bias. Only love can combat hate. Hate only creates more hate. Only if we have compassion and understanding do stop the cycle of hatred and move this entire community forward.

Abraham Lincoln’s words call us: “With malice toward none, with charity for all… Let us strive on to finish the work we are in.”