Transgender Compromise: Do I get to be me or the me I get to be?
Still lighting one candle at a time.
I have written, endlessly it seems, about my transgender, middle ground existence. It feels like a constant mental battle between the social gender forced on me and my true self that has fought so successfully to be free.
To steal from Charles Dickens:
It is the worst of times, it is the best of times.
Depending on when you ask me, I am OK presenting male and even enjoying it … or I have mentally rolled up in a fetal position of frustration and despair for not being able to present me as me.
Gender compromise has its cost.
I have chosen to stay with my wife, and she has chosen to stay with me. We both realize that our relationship is too valuable to lose over gender presentation. We have been through so much together, and we share so much joy that I know I could not have that same joy being my true self without her.
It is my solution that I know many don’t agree with.
It is my truth.
Being transgender is part of who I am, but it is not everything. I am made up of some many other things. Still, every day I ask the question on my gender presentation for that day:
