Truth: I Feel Lonely Even Inside My Chosen Queer Communities
A Prism & Pen writers prompt
Have you ever felt alone and lost in the middle of a crowd? That theme is so common in literature and other storytelling that I suppose most people have. But what about this: Have you ever felt alone even when surrounded by like-minded people you’ve chosen to connect with … to ease your loneliness?
I once joined a very close friend nearly every Tuesday night at the Cooper Union in New York City for Act Up’s general meeting. Brad’s partner was dying, something most early twenty-somethings don’t face, so he joined Act Up to feel less useless … and less lonely. For years, he and I leaned against the back wall, listening, with a small crew of other quiet people who just didn’t know what else to do.
Acting up for positive change was super critical, of course. But coming together to cope with frightening loss was perhaps equally important, for both of us. Soon after Brad died of AIDS, I stopped going to Act Up meetings. I told myself I stopped because effective antiretroviral treatment meant the worst of the crisis was finally over — that I had to start living more for myself than for other people.
The truth, in retrospect, is more complicated.
