I’ve noticed something recently. My nether regions look different. Please don’t click away. I don’t know how better to word that statement. Genitals are typically a taboo subject, and I am charting unknown territory for the sake of providing resources that I have had no luck finding for myself.
I am aiming to be the appropriate amount of open about this subject while also respecting my personal boundaries because I am not over the moon about the idea of discussing my private parts on the Internet. However, this article is for the greater good — for the transmasculine nonbinary and gender non-conforming individuals who are desperately lacking a voice in this particular field.
Mom, please don’t read this…just to be safe.
I started T on June 5th, 2020. I will hit six months next week. Bottom growth was one of the first changes that occurred for me. Within a week, my “down there” was noticeably different. The “button” was peeking out, and the entire area felt more…alert. I was sensitive to the feelings of my underwear, walking, and sitting down in particular. At times, the sensation was uncomfortable. I eventually shifted from “women’s briefs” to “men’s boxer briefs” in order to alleviate the discomfort.
For context, I categorize myself as panromantic with an aversion to the lower regions of most individuals. My “downstairs” is lovely and well-kept, and I assume that the “downstairs” of others are mostly fine and dandy, but I don’t particularly care for that region during intimate moments. I have stayed single for the last year, and I promised myself to wait until I was a year on T before starting a new relationship. In sum, my “downstairs” hasn’t gotten much action, so I hadn’t given it much thought until recently.
Moving on…in the last six months that I’ve been on T, more changes have occurred. My bottom growth has increased to what I estimate is about two inches. (I have no desire to grab a ruler and check.) The “insides” are no longer covered by the hood. They peek out at all times. The increased sensitivity has faded away, and it appears to be back to its usual level of minding-its-own-business.
If you haven’t noticed yet, I have been incredibly cautious with my wording. I’m not entirely sure what to call that piece of me now. It isn’t the average vagina anymore, and I am not interested in claiming it as my “T-Dick.” It’s not a vajayjay, a slit, a cooter or a coochie, a poontang, a hole, a peen, a D, a member, a dong, a joystick, or a schlong. In fact, I hate everything about my previous sentence.
I’m putting these thoughts out there on (digital) paper because there isn’t much for trans, gender non-conforming, or nonbinary AFABs when it comes to bottom growth.
There are no articles specifically focusing on bottom growth on Medium. There is one interview accompanied by a photoshoot from Chella Man that has been posted online. There are a handful of subReddit threads with semi-helpful sketches and YouTube videos where on-T individuals provide vague descriptions of the changes they’ve noticed (as I have now done for you). G. L. Balend briefly speaks about his bottom growth in his one year on T update post.
Oh, and there’s porn.
Did I mention that nearly every resource listed above falls under the FTM category? An FTX or FTN individual doesn’t have a hope in hell when it comes to navigating this topic. If you Google “FTM bottom growth” and “FTN bottom growth,” there is no difference in results.
There are next to no resources that are specific to nonbinary trans or gender non-conforming AFABs who are interested in learning about bottom growth as it directly relates to us.
We are forced to rely on sloppy seconds and porn that usually have nothing to do with our stories.
In my case, my endocrinologist mentioned bottom growth as a possible side effect from T with no further detail when we talked about it back in May. Given that it is typically permanent and usually one of the first changes to take place once an individual has started T, you would think that I would’ve received more information.
From my travails through the Internet in search of learning material, I’ve found that the potential for bottom growth and the lack of accessible information surrounding it is one of the primary reasons why transmasculine individuals hold off on starting HRT.
I get that the “no-no square” is taboo and not something we are supposed to be talking about, but my lower regions look very different than they did six months ago, and I want to talk about it in the hopes that it helps another trans nonbinary AFAB on T (or considering taking T) feel less alone. We need a safe space for this conversation to take place.
On that note, I have a few thoughts.
Being told that you will “grow a small dick” from your T is not something everyone wants to hear.
Language matters, people. Calling it a “T-Dick” isn’t going to work for everyone. I’m not calling my parts my dick. No way. No thank you. Gross. That’s not it for me.
I have never experienced bottom dysphoria simply because I know that being born with the primary alternative would’ve been worse for me. My lower section is functional, healthy, and generally unobtrusive, so we get along just fine. I did not get on T to grow a penis, and I wish that we had better language for nonbinary individuals to use in this particular setting.
No transmasculine individual should be shamed for wanting to talk about their bottom growth.
My bits have changed form, and that deserves safe, healthy, and informative discussion. Where is our support system?
I know that nonbinary or gender non-conforming AFABs who are interested in or have recently started T and are experiencing bottom growth is a bit of a niche market, but I believe that this is worthy of more conversations and attention.
In fact, I would imagine that there are binary trans men who would also appreciate more of a dialogue around the issue of bottom growth. Maybe, there are trans men who also don’t necessarily love that our only popularized language for bottom growth is “T-Dick.”
We need to be given better information ahead of starting T.
This is self-explanatory. I wish I had been shown images of what I could expect. That way, when I waddled out of my bedroom into my bathroom with a hand mirror one week on T to figure out what the fork was happening down there, I would’ve been a bit more prepared.
Simply listing “bottom growth” as a member of the long list of potential outcomes of T is not enough. I’m not upset about how my bits look now, but a bit of information ahead of time would’ve been much appreciated. I shouldn’t have to watch porn to get a better understanding of my body. I am not interested in supporting the fetishization of gendervariant individuals in my search for representation and visibility.
At the moment, the burden falls on us to create safe spaces in order to have bottom growth-related conversations.
It’s a poor hand to be dealt, but we are resourceful, resilient, compassionate, and sexy souls. (I had to throw “sexy” in there to lighten the mood.) Beginning these conversations with other individuals who are in this uniquely isolated and poorly documented boat is awkward, but it can be done.
We need to be there for each other — to answer questions, provide support, and to show that bottom growth is normal and okay.
Thank you for pushing yourself to read this article. At times, I was uncomfortable and unsure of where to go next while I was writing, but I tried my best to capture an authentic portrait of the current relationship I hold with that region of my body. I pray that it helps.