Working on My Internalized Gender Biases: Facial Hair Tripped Me Up
I have to get the knowledge from my head to my heart.
I don’t think I reacted when I saw the cashier’s pronoun pin. I hope I didn’t.
We had been out late, much later than is usual for me, helping family move into their new house. I was exhausted and sleepy, but too hungry to just go home to bed, so we stopped at Dairy Queen for a burger and chicken strips.
The cashier who served us had dark facial hair peeking out from under a light pink face mask. I barely registered this until I saw the “she/her” pronoun pin fastened to her uniform shirt.
And I realized that my brain really didn’t want to call her her because of that facial hair.
I’m still struggling with it, to be honest.
I know gender isn’t based on facial hair. I am a cis(-ish) woman and I have to shave my chin twice a week to keep my own face smooth (my face itches if I don’t). I have trans and nonbinary friends. I sometimes feel genderqueer myself.
And yet, I found myself fighting with myself over using she/her pronouns for this cashier. Because she looked male to me. It felt like I was two people: one who really wanted to do the right thing and use her correct pronouns, and one who was…
