Tools for the soul.
When I started this blog, I hoped it would be kinda newsy, mostly about business and tech. But you know how it is, even with the best laid schemes… The blog ended up being less newsy, and instead became more personal. It’s still businessy, still a bit techy, but also more contemplative than I expected. A little bit like a journal, and a little bit like a binnacle. A little less practical and a little more poetic.
I was aghast at this development. I have historically had a hate-hate relationship with poetry, probably because my mom is a poet, and we have had a strained relationship over the years. So reading the prose coming from my fingers into the screen had me perplexed. Stephen King often writes about how sometimes, characters take on a life of their own, and take over the page, while you helplessly act as a scribe of sorts. I never thought this would happen to me, because I’ve never thought of myself as a writer, but it did.
I have written here and there. Most of what I’ve written has been published, or has won awards, or both. They have always been specific, standalone, pragmatic projects. A means to an end. Because I’m not a writer. Or maybe I am? I’m not sure.
Last June, a friend proposed we work on an AI project together. Reader, I was exhausted, sleeping eight hours a week, and playing with chatGPT seemed like the most boring way to spend any of my non-existent free time. But I love my friend, and I wanted to start something with him. I was also flattered that he would ask.
When we fell out, I was left with a yearning and a moment of clarity. My psychologist calls it insight: six realizations that cured the depression that plagued me for ten years, changed the way I see the world, and probably saved my life. A moment of clarity that also shattered my reality and my future. To get some you have to have some shattered away, I guess.
Six realizations: my Truth, that I keep for myself, and five cascading truths. I hate myself. I hate my life. I need better conversations. I can’t be of service anymore. I need to lead an honest life. Welcome to my raging mid-life crisis. Grab some popcorn, take a seat. I hope you’ll have fun.
Did I say mid-life crisis? Well, yes, that part about “I can’t be of service anymore,” that’s my mid-life crisis. I am actually transiting six well-defined crises: mid-life crisis, as previously stated, identity crisis, vocational crisis, existential crisis, marriage crisis, imaginary breakup. It’s a lot. My therapist is quite amazed that I’m doing as well as I am. Apparently, just a couple of these usually tear people apart. But here I am, making sense (kinda), managing my emotions (sort of), making decisions (reluctantly), and heading forward (slowly). Apparently, it’s a miracle that I haven’t needed medication or hospitalization to survive, so I’ll accept my wins graciously.
I’m being unfair to myself. After all, I lost thirty pounds in thirty days. I recorded an excellent album in two weeks (or in two days, or in six months, or in fifteen years, depending how you measure it). I challenged (and conquered) some deep-seated fears. I no longer hate myself. I like myself now. Some days, I even love myself. I like the life I’m building. I’m making hard decisions, even when I feel like now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds. And even though moving forward feels like walking over yards of glass and through a forest of furious thorns, I keep going.
Last June, a friend proposed we work on an AI project together. When we fell out, I was desolated. I felt like my heart was exploding continuously, like a fusion reactor. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to do something, maybe start an AI company. However, AI still seemed so boring. I purchased privie.com, which, by the way, is not misspelled. It’s perfectly spelled. Just because you can’t make sense of it doesn’t mean it’s senseless.
I had a will, and I had a domain. I didn’t feel like I could start a tech company at the moment, or any company really. But I could write, so I wrote. My hope was, I must confess, that Privie would act as a lighthouse and would bring my friend back home to me. My hope was also to write and to learn and to inspire. I wanted to interview interesting people and have interesting conversations. And some of these things have transpired: I have interviewed some fun people, and I hope to publish those interviews soon. I have learned some things, from how to drive cars (I know, I’m a late bloomer) to using OpenAI tools to transcribe my voice memos into text. I have ventured into new experiences, from trying THC and mushrooms (I had never done drugs before) to driving race cars. I have positioned myself in roles I had never occupied before: I went from being a giver to being a receiver (so hard and uncomfortable still), from being a producer to being the talent, from being in control of everything and everyone to being in control of myself and my life (a work in progress).
I wanted to share very practical, very analytical, very actionable tactics and knowledge. Instead I shared very intimate, very emotional, very thoughtful wisdom, what I like to call “tools for the soul.” You might think this wisdom, these tools, are superfluous and foolish. Maybe you are right. In my experience, after you are forty years old, what makes the difference between a happy, successful life and a miserable, stagnant life, is not an Ivy League diploma (and I know plenty of Harvard, Stanford, Yale, MIT and Dartmouth grads), a wealthy family, or dazzling beauty. Rather, it’s emotional intelligence and regulation, executive functioning capacity, ability to form and maintain relationships, and a robust mental health.
Maybe you will find something of use in my writing. Maybe you’ll find something you enjoy. I’ll write about obscure, philosophical musings like the meaning of control, death, freedom, and moderation. I’ll write about AI. I’ll write about skydiving, and flying airplanes, and learning how to drive from a professional NASCAR driver. I’ll write about my creative process. I’ll write about how I lost thirty pounds in thirty days back in June, and about how I plan to lose fifty pounds in fifty days in the next couple of months. I’ll write about how I am conditioning my body to be ready for the inevitable sexy photoshoots that a career in music entails. I’ll write about how I recorded an entire album in two weeks, and what I learned in the process. I’ll write about how I found my voice and myself through singing lessons with a lyrical vocalist. I’ll write about how you can sell diving fins to an old man who can’t swim.
I’ll sometimes write about serious stuff, like my stance on Israel. I’ll write about fun, everyday stuff, like how we stayed for forty days in an all-inclusive, five-star resort as a family of four, and how you can do it, too. Sometimes, I’ll write dick jokes, because that’s just who I am. I’ll write opinionated stuff, like why I love Sufism and why I think the obsession with Stoicism is hurting innovation. I’ll write sciency stuff, mostly about neurodivergency and neuroscience and everything I have learned raising my kids in the last six years. I’ll write about my trials, errors and victories in forming a business and attaining autarky. I’ll write about how, even though I’m separated and heading for divorce, I still believe marriage is a superpower.
What do I have to offer in an over-saturated ecosystem? Well, I’m a woman, and most people writing about business, tech and philosophy are men. I am not just a woman, I am a South American woman. I’m not just South American, I’m from Argentina. Do you understand the hustle, the resilience, the trauma that you get from growing up in a country with triple-digit inflation?
I’m not just a woman, I’m a woman of loose morals and strong ethics. I’m an artist and a pragmatist. I am fearless and I’m terrified. I am a conservative risk-taker that loves adventure, the unknown, certainty, freedom, connection, chaos, peace, friends, and family. I’m a bit of a paradox. A paradox with a unique point of view.
Hopefully my writing will sometimes be good. Hopefully my writing will always be compelling. Hopefully we’ll learn things. Hopefully, you’ll be moved. Maybe, I’ll provoke you. Maybe, I’ll change your mind.
Walk with me, won’t you? I promise you won’t be bored.
My daughter Gigi wanted to leave you all a message: 🦩🦚🦄💕😍🎶🎶😍🥰😘
This story was previously published here. For more content, visit my blog, Provoe.com
Today’s playlist is just Christian pop. I’m a sucker for religious music, and surrendering sounds great right about now.
